"Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama is going to be working in the broadcast booth during the All-Star Game. Everybody says, 'Oh, that's cute.' But let me tell you something. You know the economy is bad when the President has to take a second gig." --David Letterman

"As I watched the press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation (Watch video clip)

"South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is trying to bounce back from his sex scandal. Sanford has cleared his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife. Isn't that nice? Sanford said he wanted to go somewhere exotic and romantic, but he's going to get this trip with his wife out of the way first." --Conan O'Brien