1.Photographic is a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory as I’ve told you many times, most recently last year at lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.

2.It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my All-Time Enemies list, between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.

3.In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal Wrath of Khan, "He tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him. From Hell's heart I stab at thee!"

4.Silence! How much longer must I wait for my revenge?

5.So my path to satisfaction is blocked by Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants? Very well, they must be destroyed!

6.Wheaton! Wheaton! Wheattooonnnn!!!

7.Actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low. On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger.

8.If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken.

9.I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. There’s pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football, in fact every form of football, except the original, European football. Most believe it to be a commie plot.

10.If you’d like, after the game I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.