1.Apparently I'm in some kind of relationship and you seem to be an expert at ending them.... I see man after man leaving this apartment, never to return.

2.I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banalities -- Strike One. Touching my food -- Strike Two.

3.Greetings, Hamburger Toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you "heart" various things.

4.I really don't think this is the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself with.

5.Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. It's very simple. Look -- scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

6.I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.

7.I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.

8.Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears.

9.Radiation burns -- a little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.... In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house: "not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner."
放射线烧伤——自制分层造影(CAT)扫描机时发生了点小事故...我基本看到我姐的豚鼠-雪球球的内部咯,然后它就着火了。于是就有了我家那句玩笑话:“雪球别想在扫描仪里活命。”(CAT=猫 雪球=豚鼠)

10.When I come back, just for fun, the subject will be alternative history. Specifically, how would the Civil War have gone differently if Lincoln had been a robot sent from the future.