1.Apparently I'm in some kind of relationship and you seem to be an expert at ending them.... I see man after man leaving this apartment, never to return.
显然我正处于某种关系中，而你似乎是终结这类关系的老手...我看见男人们一个接一个从这儿离开倒是没见过再回来的。

2.I trusted you with my email address and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banalities -- Strike One. Touching my food -- Strike Two.
我信任你才给你邮箱地址，你却给我发些网络俗物:一振。碰我的吃的:二振。

3.Greetings, Hamburger Toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you "heart" various things.
你好，汉堡亵渎者。可能你很纳闷咋不能和你的密友们网聊了呢，无法倾诉你多么"心水"啥啥啥了。

4.I really don't think this is the kind of thing Jesus concerns himself with.
我不认为耶稣会管这等闲事。

5.Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. It's very simple. Look -- scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
我建议采用石头-剪刀-布-蜥蜴-史波克。很简单。剪子剪布，布包石头，石头压蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒死史波克，史波克轰碎剪子，剪子腰斩蜥蜴，蜥蜴吃布，布否定史波克，史波克蒸发石头，再加上一如既往的规则，石头砸剪子。

6.I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.
对不起，我现在不看克隆人战争的电视剧，我得先看电影版。乔治卢卡斯肯定会让我失望就顺着他的顺序来吧。

7.I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
此刻最恰当的比喻应该包括一条臭水沟，还有一艘没有推动器的土著船。

8.Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears.
声明一下，我努力为你营造猛男形象，却被你的嚎啕大哭给毁了。

9.Radiation burns -- a little mishap while I was building my own CAT scanner.... In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house: "not a snowball's chance in a CAT scanner."
放射线烧伤——自制分层造影(CAT)扫描机时发生了点小事故...我基本看到我姐的豚鼠-雪球球的内部咯，然后它就着火了。于是就有了我家那句玩笑话：“雪球别想在扫描仪里活命。”(CAT=猫 雪球=豚鼠)

10.When I come back, just for fun, the subject will be alternative history. Specifically, how would the Civil War have gone differently if Lincoln had been a robot sent from the future.
等我回来，为了有趣些，话题将是:历史的分叉点。尤其是如果林肯是未来送来的机器人，内战会有如何不同的发展呢?