网友作文四：

Dear Sir or Madam:

We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct former machine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There will also be a reception at[1]  the same day.

Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know, recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2] .The presentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you the advantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After the presentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3] .

Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing you at Hailan Hotel on Saturday

Sincerely yours,
Lisa
PR manager
evelinefei@***.com
Enclosure: reception

[1]On
[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.
[3]口语化太明显了。另外信函中的句子很多会使用被动语态的。改为： advantage and operation would be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.

网友作文五：

Dear Sir[1],

It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].
I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting at Guomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,include ship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].
If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.
Thank you very much and best[4] regards.

***CO.LTD
Sales Department
***

[1]补充格式
[2]这句话太谦卑了，没有必要。去掉。
[3]飘红的部分，语法结构有问题，商业信函的特征就是干练，精确，完整，一语中第，如果长句写不好，就放弃，改为短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句：we will launch a new product-- *** ship. 第三句：all the information about the ship such as type, specification, and quality would be presented.
[4]如果这是一封正式的商业信函，如果你不是和对方很熟悉，建议换掉这个结尾吧：sincerely yours 是个不错的选择！