1.Oh, I don’t want to know that! How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundation for interstellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of a contagious skin disease?
你告诉我这些干嘛啊你。这下好了，我怎么可能一边和斯坦.李讨论用银质冲浪板来星际飞行的科学依据，一边逐行扫描他的脸以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹。

2.I don’t trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM’s will lead the charge.
鬼才相信银行。我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了，自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖。

3.I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.
提醒你一下，我可是业内顶尖人士，你却坐在桌子后面过家家。

4.You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.
你们或许跟斯坦..李一起吃了冰欺凌，还得了他亲笔签名的漫画，我可是亲自进了他家还得到了他亲笔签名的禁制令申请状。

5.Technically, magic beans would be food. Although eating them would be quite a waste since you plant them and overnight have a giant beanstalk, which would provide enough roughage for a small city.
严格来说，魔豆也是食物。虽然吃了他们怪浪费的，因为你可以种植它们然后一夜之间就会长成一株巨大的豆茎，足够一个小城市吃的。

6.I have a twin sister whose assaults begin in utero. If only I’d had the presence of mind to reabsorb her then I’d have a mole with hair on it instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.
在子宫里我那胞姐就开始欺负我。如果当年我能一直坚定地吸收掉她，我也就多了一颗长毛的痣，这样也不会收到那些无聊的圣诞贺卡了。

7.I have no illusions about my mother, She’s a kind, loving, religiously fanatical, right wing Texan, with a slightly out of scale head and a mild Dr. Pepper addiction.
我又没有恋母情结，她就一个和蔼可亲、笃信上帝、极端右翼的德州人，头长得有点不合比例，还对佩珀汽水有点上瘾。

8.I’m the William Shatner of theoretical physics.
我就是理论物理界的威廉.夏特纳。

9.Oh, no. A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. “People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind!” Oh, the simulated horror!
不会吧。一个类似哥斯拉的怪物正在接近城市。我得把我的市民转移到安全区。“谢尔顿奥波利斯的市民们，我是你们的市长。跟着我。小孩子要是跑不了就别管他们了。”哦呦妈呀，模拟恐怖效果贼棒！

10.If it will help speed things along my answers to the standard Rorschach ink blot tests are: A – a bat. B – a bat. C – a bat. And D – my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle.
我补充一点可能会有所帮助，我做标准罗夏磨叽测验的结果是：图A蝙蝠，图B蝙蝠，图C蝙蝠，图D我爸想用皮下注射器杀死我妈。

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