1.All these years I’ve been so wrong. The tinier the train, the more concentrated the fun!

2.What, because you don’t have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons and Dragons, this game’s in serious trouble!

3.From here on in I’ve decided to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice, thus freeing up my mind to do what it does best: enlighten and amaze.

4.As you know, a few years ago I achieved one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public.

5.Two grown men with a hobbit’s dagger – wouldn’t we look silly!

6.At this moment our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. 'Til you either do not go, or go, to Wil Wheaton’s party, you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I’m characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger’s Friendship.

7.One day a historian is going to come to you and say “Is it true you were friends with Doctor Sheldon Cooper?” and you’re going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation, as you mumble “I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from Stand By Me no one remembers."

8.You are in for a treat. My mother’s fried chicken is why we had to buy my Dad the extra-large coffin.

9.There’s a lot of harm in trying something new! That’s why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits.

10.That reminds me of another saying: "You can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can’t make your mother fry it."