1. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Getaway car too small for heist


A lesson in the importance of planning ahead: Two Malaysians stole US$1.3 million but had to leave half of it behind because their van was too small to stash the loot. “The bags are quite big. I consider them quite stupid. Their planning was very shortsighted,” said the deputy police chief, Shakaruddin Che Mood.



2. Kemaman, Malaysia: Spirit imprisons burglar for three days


Who needs a home alarm when you’ve got a ghoul for security? A Malaysian couple returned from vacation to find a serial burglar lying on their floor, famished, dehydrated and clasping his hands in apology. The criminal insisted that after he broke into the house, a spirit blinded him and would not let him move or scream for 72 hours.



3. Hubei province, China: Robber flushes diamond rings down the toilet


Zhou broke into a wealthy home and found two huge diamond rings. He decided they were too good to be true, so, like anyone with half a brain (yes, only half) he flushed them down the toilet. The robber didn’t realize that the jewels were real until after he was caught. Poor thing was “unable to stop sighing repeatedly.”



4. Ningbo, China: Persistent burglar hides under bed for two days


Burglar Li is not one to give up easily. He snuck into a woman’s apartment and found nothing of value. So he hid under her bed for two days, surviving on the sole apple in her fridge, until she returned. Li waited until she was asleep, stole her cell and money, and was promptly arrested.



5. Laohekou, China: Drive-by robber nabs dog poo


Mrs Chen was waiting to withdraw money when her dog needed to deposit a “number two.” She wrapped up his business in newspaper and was ready to throw it away when two motorcyclists screeched to a halt, wrestled the warm package from her grasp and sped away. Police investigated the case while “laughing at the stupidity of the robbers.”