肚子咕咕叫

Grumble

暮色渐沉，肚子开始咕咕了

叫外卖？

某男拿起叫外卖的单子，突然听闻电视里说：

Latest studies indicate that people who eat out a lot have a 44% chance of becoming fatter than a sack of pregnant walruses. Oh and they're probably going to die bloated, alone and face down on the floor of some rotten motel off the freeway. And now here's Tom with the wather.

最新研究显示常吃外卖的人会变胖，不仅这样，还会胖死！很可能就在一个肮脏的高速公路下的汽车旅馆里悲惨地翘掉了还木有人知道。于是下面是汤姆给我们带来的天气预报！

自己动手做中餐！

某男想，不能这样，哥还风华正茂呢。于是翻开厚厚的食谱准备自力更生，一看，两眼冒金花：

Pekingese Bison Casserole
老北京野牛砂锅

Ingredients：we recommend a live bison，活牛最佳

Directions 做法
Begin by having your bison work up a sweat through various callisthenics, such as jogging and/or jumping jacks. After it works up a nice flavorful sweat, shave off all its fur and rub mango lard juice and mayonnaise over its entire body. Be sure to rub deeply and with great emotion blablablablabla……

先得让那头牛去活动一下筋骨，做个操啊跑个步啊什么的，等它出了一身汗，你再给它刮毛，涂上芒果猪油和蛋黄酱，记得要带着感情去涂（做料理的时候有感情，食物才会好吃！）……

星夜出门买配料

mango lard juice，mayonnaise，再加一头活的bison……某男出门买材料去了

面对收银台我凌乱了。。。

624.95美元！哥只想吃顿饭啊……

一头牛？

哪家超市里真的有卖活的bison啊……看那牛的眼神！

我切，我炒，我颠大勺

先哼着小调开始做饭……数小时后满目疮痍……

这货不是。。。

Oh hello! Not quite what you were expecting, huh? Now you get to eat me, m***********! Hahahahaha!

哟哥们，震惊了吧？现在你无论如何都要吃了我，哈哈哈哈！

某男内心OS：坑爹呢……还是说我rub那头牛的时候感情还不够投入于是就出现了这货……

我咀嚼，我咀嚼，我再咀嚼

Crunch，munch，crunch……

哥默默而忧伤地独自咀嚼着哥的晚饭，那咔嚓咔嚓的声音，不是别的，是我凌乱的心……

一头牛的肉量果然可以吃很多餐！

Bison leftovers 剩的牛肉
more leftovers 更多剩的牛肉
even more! 还有更多剩的牛肉
You'are gonna be eating this for a year! 一整年哥都得吃牛肉，吃到内牛
Bison 4 ever…… 牛肉恒久远了……

A New Day Has Come

哥忧伤地睡下，又饱含精神地起床。

还是外卖最靠谱！

Grumble~~果断叫外卖了！