"During his weekly radio address, President Obama said we've finally begun to put the brakes on this recession, which is good news. Unfortunately, the brakes were built by General Motors." --Jimmy Fallon
在每周演讲中，奥巴马总统说我们终于给经济不景气踩了刹车，这是好消息。不幸的是，这个刹车是通用制造的。——吉米·法伦

"According to a new report that just came out, NASA doesn't have enough money to track all the giant asteroids that could crash into Earth. NASA says we shouldn't worry though because they've given the job to Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck." –Conan O'Brien
根据一份刚刚出炉的报告，美国宇航局没有足够的资金来追踪所有可能冲撞地球的巨型行星。宇航局说虽然这样咱们也不用担心，因为他们已经把这项工作交给布鲁斯·威利斯和本·阿弗莱克了。——柯南·奥布莱恩

"Yesterday, GM announced a new car that will get 230 miles a gallon. Today, Nissan said their new car is going to get 367 miles a gallon. It's getting crazy -- Toyota just announced their new car will get 500 miles per gallon, plant rain forests, give birth to endangered pandas." --Conan O'Brien
昨天，通用宣布说他们的一款新车每加仑汽油能跑230英里。今天尼桑说他们的新车能跑367英里。事情越来越疯狂了——丰田刚刚宣布说他们的新车能跑500英里，种植雨林，生下濒危的熊猫。——柯南·奥布莱恩

"President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option." --Conan O'Brien
奥巴马总统说他不会支持一个政府决定是否要，他原话说的是“从老奶奶身上拔下插头”的医疗方案。很明显，奥巴马的计划要求得到的是更加快速见效的枕头。——柯南·奥布莱恩

"This is a weird story. Someone recently tried to sell an Xbox that was autographed by Sarah Palin for $1.1 million. Yeah. Unfortunately, the Palin Xbox kept quitting in the middle of every game." --Conan O'Brien
这是个奇怪的故事。一些人最近试图把一个有莎拉·佩林签名的Xbox卖到110万。是啊，不幸的是，佩林的Xbox总会在每一个游戏的中途退出。——柯南·奥布莱恩

"Former President Clinton, of course, in the news a lot lately. Yesterday, former President Clinton gave a speech to a group from Haiti, and he urged them not to give up hope. Clinton said, 'Things can start to look bleak, and then, all of the sudden, you're on an airplane with two hot Asian chicks.'" --Conan O'Brien
前总统克林顿，当然，最近常上电视。昨天，前总统克林顿向一群海地人发表演讲，他力劝他们不要放弃希望。克林顿说，“事情开始总是看上去很不好，然后，突然间，你就在飞机上和两个很辣的亚洲小妞在一起了。”——柯南·奥布莱恩

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