最后，点评一下网上几篇范文的第一段。

版本一：

Students' mental health has been playing an increasingly important role in our day-to-day life. Indeed, it is widely accepted that it has gained growing popularity among persons in all walks of life. There is a general discussion today about the issue of disorder in brains.

金老师点评：这是某知名机构网上流传的版本。这个版本套用痕迹非常明显，内容空洞。三句话之间没有紧凑的逻辑关系，大家只要细心，就能看出这三句基本都是一个意思，车轱辘话，来回说。这样的话，只留下一句即可。同学们有没有说车轱辘话的时候？要记住，写作文，就算没有出奇的表达，内容上也要丰富一些，有例子，有idea，这才是写作。另：这段话里还有用词错误，gain popularity？好的事物才说受到青睐。disorder in brains？大脑紊乱？这跟心理健康关系不大。如果说mental disorder精神失常，还好一些。但即使这样，也是以偏概全。有心理问题，不等于精神失常。

版本二：

As is known to all, psychological health is as important as, if not more important than, physical health for a student during his/her growth. However, it’s quite worrying that nowadays some students are not quite psychologically healthy.

金老师点评：这个版本略好一些，至少两句话之间有逻辑上的递进。但是第二句说完之后，让人意犹未尽，显然在内容上，还是少了一些东西。

版本三：

There is no denying the fact that mental health is of great importance to college students. Nowadays, many students in college suffer from mental illness, which severely affects their life and study. Taking a look around, can find examples too numerous to list. Reports are often heard that some students committed suicide or murdered their roommates. Typical examples include the case of Ma Jiajue and that of a girl stabbing her schoolmates.

金老师点评：知名机构另一篇，第一句话有些问题，there is no denying套的太生硬，还是早期机构的手法，而且后面还多了个the fact，有套用后走火入魔的嫌疑。好在后面的表达开始进入正轨，各种举例和表达，让内容显得很丰富。估计能把印象分捞回来，但是瑕疵已然存在。

最后说两点：

1. 由于篇幅限制，范文的部分，还有很多方面不能一一展开，请大家自行对照。有问题可以在部落与老师交流（点击进入金老师部落主页>>）。

2. 新的学期刚刚开始，大家这几个月里，应该多做四六级核心词的word-map，这样能升级词汇，积累事件+观点。对于写作来说，这是很有帮助的。

点击查看金卓老师日志原文>>