三、习作点评

　　[2004年全国中学生英语能力竞赛初赛初三组] (14分)

　　Choose one of your hobbies and write an article for the school magazine about it. Tell the magazine readers.

　　·What exactly your hobby is;

　　·When and how you became interested in this hobby;

　　·Why you enjoy your hobby;

　　·About your hopes and plans for the future.

　　写作要求：

　　1.根据所提供的内容，适当拓展想象空间，灵活地将提供的信息体现在文章中。

　　2.条理清楚，语句通顺，书写清晰、规范。

　　3.词数60-80.

　　[学生习作A]

　　My hobby is read books①.When I was seven years old.I became interested in reading books.I like needing books because there are a lot of useful things in books.I can learn a lot of knowledge from books. Books also② can teach me how to be a good person.Books even can solve many problems for me.I will read more good books to improve myself.

　　①改为reading books，动词作表语时应该用动名词。

　　②also的位置应放在can之后。

　　[点评]：档次9-11分。

　　①要点不全，漏掉最后一个要点。

　　②句子基本无误，能正确传递信息给读者但文章不流畅，句子与句子之间过渡不自然，给读者感觉在回答上述问题。

　　③有少量错误。

　　[学生习作B]

　　My hobby is reading.Reading books is very enjoyable.When I was young ,my mother used to tell me a story before.I went to bed every night.The stories were so interesting that I always felt they weren’t enough.So I began to read books by myself.Little by little I became interested in reading.I can learn much knowledge and many interesting things all over the world.When I read books,I can enjoy the beautiful sentences.At the same time I can improve my writing.I want to be a writer in the future,so I must study hard and read more books so that my dream can come true.

　　①开门见山、点题。

　　②真情流露，理由充分。

　　③文中带圈的连词使用得恰当，使文章过渡自然、

　　④巧妙使用句型以表决心。

　　[点评]：档次13-14分。

　　①清楚表达写作目的，要点齐全。

　　②语言表达灵活多样，字里行间流露出真情实感，文章有感染力。

　　③恰当使用连词和从句，语言流畅，且无错误，是一篇高质量的作文。

　　[高分突破]

　　①文体：记叙文。

　　②要点：what → when →how → why → hope and plan for the future.

　　③时态：一般现在时，一般过去时，一般将来时的自然变化。

　　内容具有开放性，但它也是“控制性”的写作试题，因此不能随意发挥，要善于抓信息，写完要点。选用这两篇学生真实习作，一是因为他们选材相同，二是因为他们都是英语成绩优秀的同学。同学B灵活使用连词so…that,so,little by little,when,so that等，恰到好处地使用新句型和短语used to,became interested in,come true……等，使内容丰富，读起来优美流畅。其实这些表达同学A也会，只是缺乏技术加工。通过这两篇作文点评，同学们便能悟出其中的奥妙。