April 1, 2009

"You know what's interesting? Today, a reporter in Crawford, Texas, asked former President George Bush how he felt about General Motors and Bush said, 'You know, since I left office, I don't really follow the Iraq war anymore.'" --Jay Leno
“你们知道什么事很有趣吗?今天,一位记者在得克萨斯州的克劳福德问前总统布什,他对通用汽车公司一事有何感想,布什回答说:‘你知道,自从我离职之后,我其实不怎么关心伊拉克战争了(注:布什把General Motors当作莫特斯将军了)。’”——杰·雷诺

"And there was kind of an awkward moment yesterday as President Obama was leaving to go to the G-20 summit. Hillary Clinton called and said, 'Can I run the country while you're gone? Please, can I?'" --Jay Leno
“昨天发生了一件令人尴尬的事,当奥巴马总统正准备离开去参加G20峰会时,希拉里打给他电话,说,‘ 你不在的时候。我可不可以管理国家,好吧啦,可以吗,(求求你了喏,人家就玩一下下呢)?”——杰·雷诺

"By golly, you know what it is? April Fool's Day. Happy April Fool's Day, everybody. It is crazy when you think about it. Bush has only been out of office 10 weeks and he already has his own national holiday." --David Letterman
“哎呀,你们知道吗?愚人节。大家愚人节快乐。想想真不可思议。布什才卸任总统10周,他居然有了纪念他的国定假日。” ——大卫·莱特曼

"Barack Obama is in London now, meeting with the G-20 countries, and the only thing that they have agreed on so far is that French President Sarkozy has a smokin' hot wife!" --David Letterman

"Britain's Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, asked President Obama if he ever played darts. And Obama said: 'Sure I play darts. How do you think I picked my Cabinet?'" --David Letterman
“英国首相布朗问奥巴马总统是否玩过飞镖。奥巴马回答说:‘我当然玩过飞镖。不然你以为我是怎么挑选我的内阁成员哪?” ——大卫·莱特曼

March 31, 2009

"Hey, happy birthday, former Vice President Al Gore, who is 61 years old. And besides being Al Gore's birthday, it is also the 116th anniversary of the invention of the zipper, both of which played a major role in the Clinton Administration." --Jay Leno

"Actually, this is highly unusual for the government to take this kind of action. I mean, the closest the previous administration came to getting involved in the car industry was Bush using jumper cables to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart." --Jay Leno

"The first place President Obama landed was England. And British Prime Minister Gordon Brown told President Obama, 'Make yourself at home.' So Obama fired the head of Rolls Royce and Jaguar. He said, 'Get out.'" --Jay Leno

"But President Obama - this is going to be big, look for this announcement. President Obama is meeting with the Queen of England. He is going to ask her if she wants America back." --David Letterman

March 30, 2009

"And listen to this. I guess they're going to, like, be in the car business. President Obama said the United States government will stand by your car's warranty. Assuming, of course, the government is still around in five years." --Jay Leno

"Right after the announcement, Wagoner hopped on his private jet and flew to the unemployment office." --David Letterman