Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.
嗨。我在这里要和大家谈谈 向别人表达赞美，倾佩和谢意的重要性。 并使它们听来真诚，具体。
And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.
之所以我对此感兴趣 是因为我从我自己的成长中注意到几年前， 当我想要对某个人说声谢谢时， 当我想要赞美他们时， 当我想接受他们对我的赞扬， 但我却没有说出口。 我问我自己，这是为什么? 我感到害羞，我感到尴尬。 接着我产生了一个问题 难道我是唯一一个这么做的人吗? 所以我决定做些探究。
I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them. But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.
我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作， 所以我可以看到那些因为上瘾而面临生与死的人。 有时候这一切可以非常简单地归结为， 他们最核心的创伤来自于他们父亲到死都未说过“他为他们而自豪”。 但他们从所有其它家庭或朋友那里得知 他的父亲告诉其他人为他感到自豪， 但这个父亲从没告诉过他儿子。 因为他不知道他的儿子需要听到这一切。
So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this. She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great." And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"