The Art of Friendship
A) One evening a few years ago I found myself in an anxiety. Nothing was really wrong my family and I were healthy, my career was busy and successful -- I was just feeling vaguely down and in need of a friend who could raise my spirits, someone who would meet me for coffee and let merant until the clouds lifted. I dialed my best friend, who now lives across the country in California, and got her voicemail. That's when it started to dawn on me -- lonesomeness was at the root of my dreariness. My social life had dwindled to almost nothing, but somehow until that moment I'd been too busy to notice. Now it hit me hard. My old friends, buddies since college or even childhood, know everything about me; when they left, they had taken my context with them.
B) Research has shown the long-range negative consequences of social isolation on one's health. But my concerns were more short-term. I needed to feel understood right then in the way that only a girlfriend can understand you. I knew it would be wrong to expect my husband to replace my friends: He couldn't, and even if he could, to whom would I then complain about my husband? So I resolved to acquire new friends -- women like me who had kids and enjoyed rolling their eyes at the worlda little bit just as I did. Since I'd be making friends with more intention than I'd ever given the process, I realized I could be selective, that I could in effect design my own social life. The down side, of course, was that I felt pretty frightened.
C) After all, it's a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife that it is when yon're younger -- a fact woman I've spoken with point out again and again. As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater director and mother, sees it, when you're in your teens and 20s, you're more or less friends with everyone unless there's a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly due to proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. "There are many people I'm comfort-able around, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isn't enough to sustain a real friendship," Danzig says.
D) At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldn't run up to people the way my4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, "Will you be my friend? Every time you start anew relationship, you're vulnerable again," agrees Kathleen Hall, D Min, founder and CEO of the Stress Institute, in Atlanta. "You're asking, 'Would you like to come into my life?' It makes us self-conscious."
E) Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerability risk was actually pretty low. If someone didn't take me up on my offer, so what: I wasn't in junior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I have amassed enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer.
F) We're all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests -- say, in a project, class, or cause that we already make time for -- become the perfect catalysts for bringing us in contact with candidates for camaraderie. Michelle Mertes, 35, a teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says anew friend she made at church came as a pleasant surprise. "In high school I chose friends based on their popular-ity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Now's it's our shared values and activities that count." Mertes says her pal, with whom she organized the church's youth programs, is nothing like her but their drive and organizational skills make them ideal friends.
G) Happily, as awkward as making new friends can be, self-esteem issues do not factor in -- or if they do, you can easily put them into perspective. Danzig tells of the mother of a child in her son's pre-school, a tall, beautiful woman who is married to a big-deal rock musician. "I said to my husband, she's too cool for me,'" she jokes. "I get intimidated by people. But once I got to know her, she turned out to be pretty laid-back and friendly." In the end there was no chemistry between them, so they didn't become good pals. "I realized that we weren't each other's type, but it wasn't about hierarchy." What midlife friendship is about, it seems, is reflecting the person you've become (or are still becoming) back at yourself, thus reinforcing the progress you've made in your life.
H) Harlene Katzman, 41, a lawyer in New York City, notes that her oldest friends knew her back when she was less sure of herself. As much as she loves them, she believes they sometimes respond to is-sues in light of who she once was. An old chum has the goods on you. With recently made friends, you can turn over a new leaf.
I) A new friend, chosen right, can also help you point your boat in the direction you want to go. Hanna Dershowitz, 39, an attorney and mother in Los Angeles, found that a new acquaintance from workwas exactly what she needed in a friend. In addition to liking and respecting Julia, Dershowitz had a feeling that the fit and athletic younger woman would help her to get in shape.
J) While you're busy making new friends, remember that you still need to nurture your old ones. We asked Marla Paul, author of The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You "re Not a Kid Anymore, for the best ways to maintain these important relationships. Keep in touch. Your friends should be a priority; schedule regular lunch dates or coffee catch-up sessions, no matter how busy you are. Know her business. Keep track of important events in a friend's life and show your support. Call or e-mail to let her know you're thinking of her. Speak your mind. Tell a friend (politely) if something she did really upset you. If you can't be totally honest, then you need to reexamine the relationship. Accept her flaws. No one is perfect, so work around her quirks --she's chronically late, or she's a bit negative -- to cut down on frustration and fights. Boost her ego. Heartfelt compliments make everyone feel great, so tell her how much you love her new sweater or what a great job she did on a work project.
46. Leslie Danzig thought making friends at one's middle age needed some reasons.
47. A well-chosen new friend can help you go in the direction that you like.
48. A few years ago the author felt lonely and depressed when she phoned her best friend in another city who was much wanted then but unavailable.
49. According to Kathleen Hall, one might feel sensitive in the first curse of making new friends.
50. Midlife friendship can help you realize your direction of life and reinforce the progress you've made in your life.
51. In Mafia Paul's book, to be a better friend, you should keep track with your fiiends, care for your friend's job, express yourself, accept her flaws and compliment your friend for her/his good dressing and job.
52. For the author, a girl friend might be the right person to under "stand her and erase her negative feeling.
53. According to Michelle Metes, midlife friendship is based on the shared values and activities
54. As a mature friend seeker, the author finds herself with enough confidence to offer and take rejection with grace.
55. With newly made friends, you can have a chance to take on a new look in your life.
C)毕竟，在中年时期交友要比年轻时困难得多一——这是个客观存在的显示，与我聊过的女性曾不止一次地指出这一点。41岁的Leslie Danzi9是芝加哥的一位戏剧导演，也是一位母亲，1461她的看法是，在十几岁、二十几岁的时候，除了有特殊理由不能成为朋友的情况，人差不多可以跟所有人成为朋友。 你的大学室友，至少余因为走得比较近而成为你最好的朋友。一现在，我们则需要理由才能成为朋友。Danzi9说，“有很多人，我跟他们在一起的时候很舒服，但我不会因此称他们为朋友。舒适度还不足以维持真正的友谊。”
D)一开始的时候，寻找新的伙伴的确让入有点尴尬。四十岁了，我无法像我四岁的女儿那样在操场上碰到人就问：“能跟我做朋友吗?”。【49】 每次建立一群新关系，你就会又变得脆弱了，”，KathleenHall，教牧学博士，亚特兰大压力研究所的创始人兼首席执行官，赞同这一看法。她说： “你是在问：‘你愿意参与到我的生活中吗?’这使我们局促不安。”
I)【47】新朋友，如果选择对了的话， 还可以帮助找到航行的方向。39岁的Hanna Dershowitz是洛杉矶的一名律师，也是一位母亲。她发现，她在工作中新结交的一个人， Julia，正是她需要的好友。除了喜欢和尊重Julia，Dershowitz有一种感觉，这个健康且从事运动事业的年轻女性能帮助她保持身材。
46.Leslie Danzig thought making friends at one’S middle age needed some reasons.LeslieDanzig认为在中年交朋友需要一些理由。
【解析】C)。细节题。根据句子关键词Leslie Danzi9和making friends al one’S middle age可定位至Cl段。该段中Danzi9说在十几、二十几岁的时候，基本上可以和所有人交朋友，但现在需要充分的理由才能交到朋友，舒适度不足以维持真正的友谊。可见她认为中年交友需要。一些理由。
47.A well—chosen new friend can help you go in the direction that you like.选择得当的新朋友能帮你朝着你向往的方向前进。
【解析】I)。细节题。根据句子关键词a well—chosen new friend和：he direction that you like可定位至I)段。该段首句指出：新朋友，如果选择对了的话，还可以帮助你找到航行的方向。
48.A few years ago the author felt lonely and depressed when she phoned her best friend in another city who was much wanted then but unavailable.
【解析】A)。归纳题。根据句子关键词a few years a90和phoned her best friend可定位在A)段。句子是对整段的概括总结。
49.According to Kathleen Hall，one might feel sensitive in the first course ofmaking new friends.
【解析】 D)。细节题。由句子中的Kathleen Hall定位至D)段。该段最后一句提到，Kathleen Hall认为每次建立一种新关系，人就会变得脆弱、敏感。
50.Midlife friendship can help you realize your direction oflife and reinforze the progress yOU’ve made in your life.
【解析】 G)。细节题。根据句子关键词midlife friendship和reinforce the progress可定位至G)段末句。现在看来，中年友谊似乎能反映出你所属的类型(或正在成为的类型)，从而加强你在生活中取得的进展。5 1.In Maria Paul’S book，to be a better friend，you should keep track with yourfriends，care for your friend’s job，ex—press yourself,accept her flaws and compliment your friend for her/his good dressing and job.Maria Paul的书中写到，要成为更好的朋友，你应该和朋友保持联系，关心朋友的工作，表达自己的思想，包容朋友的缺点，赞扬朋友。
52.For the author,a girl friend might be the fight person to understand her and erase her negative feelin9.
【解析】 B)。细节题。由句子中的the right person和understand等字眼定位至B)段。作者提到只有女性的朋友才能理解她的感受。
53.According to Michelle Mertes，midlife friendship is based on the shared values and activities
54.As a mature friend seeker,the author finds herself with enough confidence to offer and take rejecfion with grace.
【解析】 E)。细节题。根据句子关键词a mature friend seeker和offe“'ejection可定位至E)段。该段中作者指出自己已经成熟，能坦然接受对方的拒绝，也保有自信，相信自己有魅力。
55.With newly made friends，you Can have a chance to take on a new look in your life.
【解析】 H)。细节题。根据句子关键词takeon anewlook可定位至E段末句。而跟新交的朋友在一起，你可以翻开新的一页。Take on anewlook和takeoveranewleaf是同类表述。