【读书笔记】王尔德《自深深处》27
1891年，处在写作生涯巅峰期的王尔德遇见了阿尔弗雷德·“波西”·道格拉斯(Alfred "Bosie" Douglas)，两人很快成为了同性恋人。四年后，因为这段“不敢说出名字的爱”，王尔德被判“有伤风化”罪而入狱。在狱中，王尔德开始反思从前的生活，思索痛苦和人生的意义，艺术和爱的真谛，最终将那些痛苦的泪水都化作优美而深沉的文字，写成了这封名为"de profundis"(从深处)的长信。
作者简介：奥斯卡·王尔德(Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900)，英国维多利亚时代著名作家，“唯美主义运动”的领军人物，倡导“为艺术而艺术”(Art for art's sake)。他的代表作有戏剧《莎乐美》(Salome)《认真的重要性》(The Importance of Being Earnest)，童话《快乐王子》(The Happy Prince) 《夜莺与玫瑰》(The Nightingale and the Rose)，小说《道连·格雷的画像》(The Picture of Dorian Gray)，以及书信《自深深处》(De Profundis)等。
【原著选段】
After my terrible sentence, when the prisondress was on me, and the prison-house closed, I sat amidst the ruins of my wonderful life, crushed by anguish, bewildered with terror, dazed through pain. But I would not hate you. Every day I said to myself, “ I must keep Love in my heart today, else how shall I live through the day.” I reminded myself that you meant no evil, to me at any rate: I set myself to think that you had but drawn a bow at a venture, and that the arrow had pierced a King between the joints of the harness. To have weighed you against the smallest of my sorrows, the meanest of my losses, would have been, I felt, unfair. I determined I would regard you as one suffering too. I forced myself to believe that at last the scales had fallen from your long-blinded eyes. I used to fancy, and with pain, what your horror must have been when you contemplated your terrible handiwork. There were times, even in those dark days, the darkest of all my life, when I actually longed to console you. So sure was I that at last you had realised what you had done.
【朱纯深译本】
在我那可怕的刑判下来后，当囚衣披上身、牢房关上门之后，我坐在自己灿烂生活的废墟中，痛苦使我肝胆俱裂，恐惧使我不知所措，疼痛又令我眼冒金星。但我不会恨你的。每天我都对自己说：“今天我必须把爱留存心间， 否则这一天怎么过？”我提醒自己说你是不怀恶意的，不管怎样，对我是不怀恶意的。我要自己认为，你不过是贸然张弓，是箭镞射中了一个国王，穿进他铠甲的连接处。要是连我忧伤中之最轻者、损失中之最小者都拿出来同你计较，我觉得，是不公平的。我决心把你也看作是患难者，强迫自己相信，那长久蒙蔽你眼睛的阴翳终于消解了。我曾常常不无心痛地悬想，当你思量自己一手造成的可怕后果时，会是多么的惊惧。即使在那黑暗的日子里，那些我一生中最黑暗的日子里，也有些时候我当真渴望能去安慰你，那样确信你终于领悟到了自己的所作所为。
【读书笔记】
1、sentence n.判决；课刑 v.宣判；使遭受
【举例】He was under the sentence of death. 他被判了死刑。
He was sentenced to two years at hard labour. 他被判服两年苦役。
sentence these primitive cultures to extinction 使那些原始文化遭到毁灭
2、at any rate 无论如何；至少。相当于“at all rates”。
【举例】I must go at any rate. 无论如何我都要去。
She is at any rate pleasant to look at. 她至少长得还不错。
3、at a venture 胡乱地；碰巧；未经考虑地
【举例】A successor was chosen at a venture. 随便挑选了一位继承人。
4、weigh v.称……的重量；认真考虑；权衡，比较
【举例】weigh the risks 认真考虑所冒的风险
weigh a plan against another 权衡两个计划的优劣
weigh the pros and cons 比较正反两面意见
5、fancy v.想象；(无根据地)猜想
【举例】Can you fancy yourself on the moon? 你能想象自己在月球上吗？
I fancy it will rain. 我猜天要下雨。