3 years

1. Why does an entry-level position need 3+ years of experience?
1.为什么一个入门级职位需要3年以上工作经验?

5 professional references

2. You need 5 professional references?
2.你需要5个职场人士写的推荐信?

I graduated, like, yesterday.
我好像是昨天才刚毕业的。

funny anecdote

3. You want a “funny anecdote” in the body of your email?
3.你想要在电子邮件中写进一个“奇闻轶事”?

Sure! This one time, at band camp…
当然!这次在乐队营……

Why

4. Why do you need my social security number and drivers license number?
4.为什么你需要我的社会保险号和驾照号码?

It freaks me out a little.
这有点让我抓狂。

Where

5. New job listing that I qualify for? Where?
5.(告诉我)我能胜任的工作?是什么?

Oh it’s a "commission-based" position. Great.
哦,是个基于佣金的职位。棒极了。

bennies

6. Would I like to know about these awesome bennies? Sure!
6.我想试试这些兴奋剂吗?当然!

Not getting my hopes up.
别让我燃起希望。

auto-response

7. All I get is the auto-response email?
7.我得到的只有自动回复的邮件?

Okay. That’s fine.
好吧,很好。

salary

8. Expected salary?
8.预期的薪水?

I don’t know, you tell me. Enough for me to eat?
我不知道,你告诉我。够我吃饭么?

complete

9. Upload my resume AND complete your custom application?
9.为什么我已经上传了我的简历,还要完成你们的申请流程?

It’s the same information, but alright.
还是一样的老信息,但是好吧。

$0.50

10. Oohh you’re paying $0.50 more than minimum wage?
10.噢,你比最低工资多付给我5分钱?

Cool! I’ll pay off my loans in 100 years or so.
酷!我会在100年以内还清贷款的。

relisted

11. Can I reapply for that position you relisted?
11.我可以重新申请那个你重新发布的职位吗?

Even though you still didn’t respond to me.
即使你还是不回复我。

 

a position

12. Hi there, I applied for a position last week?
12.嘿,我上周申请了一个职位?

Just wanted to check in.
只是想报个到。

respond

13. Could you please respond to my inquiries?
13.求求你,回应一下我的请求吧。

I’ll just wait.
我还是等着吧。

hard

14. Why is this so hard?
14.为什么就这么难呢?

emails

15. No new emails?
15.没有新邮件?

Okay.
好吧。

What time

16. What time is it?
16.几点了?

I’ve been completing job applications for 4 hours now. Stimulating.
我已经填了4小时的工作申请表了。加油。

response

17. Is that an actual response??
17.真的是这么回复的吗?

Woo-hoo!!!
呜呼!!!

available

18. Am I available to talk at 10:30am tomorrow?
18.我明天10:30有没有空谈话?

Hmmm… lemme see… HELL YES!
嗯……我看看……是的!

14 page

19. Complete this 14 page job application?
19.完成这份14页的工作申请表?

No problem.
没问题。

interview

20. Three stages of interviewing?
20.三个阶段的面试?

Sounds good to me.
听上去不错。

Security

21. Security clearance? Special certificates? Graduate degree?
21.安全检查?专项认证?毕业学历?

I have a cat power on Buzzfeed. I’m kind of a big deal.
我在Buzzfeed上可是有猫势力的。我也是个大人物。

freaking

22. Am I going to be freaking late to this interview?
22.我面试就要迟到了?

work

23. How much will I have to work with others?
23.我还要和别人合作多久啊?

I don’t like others.
我不喜欢别人。

nail

24.Did I nail it?
24.我成功了吗?

wait

25. So I should just wait for a call back, then?
25.我应该就等着回电,是吗?

Phone’s on, right?
手机开着呢,对吧?

all over

26. Do I just need to start all over again?
26.我需要重头再来一遍吗?

*sigh*
哎。