我一定要学好英语,我一定要学好英语,我一定要学好英语……
我要不停地模仿、不停地说,我要不停地模仿、不停地说……
我享受学习的过程,我享受学习的过程、我享受学习的过程……
我幽默,我快乐,我幽默,我快乐,我幽默,我快乐……

用汉语写的谐音,只是为了好玩儿,帮助联想记忆,但不能用汉语那么生硬地念英语,否则中国人认为你在说日语,美国人认为你在说汉语。()里面的字为重音。

Appear(动词)出现,看来
谐音:鹅(屁)饿;联想:一个鹅放了个清淡的屁,很明显它饿了。

A157、场景再现:拟人化地表达植物绝望的心情:
Every plant entering our portals appears to see a sign reading, “Abandon Hope All You Who Enter Here”.
从正门进的每个植物都似乎看到一个标记,写着“凡入此门者,请放弃希望”。

A158、场景再现:suit一词多义引起歧义:
Judge: Have you ever appeared before this court in any other suit?
Lawyer: Why, yes ……the navy pinstripe.
法官:你在其它案件中在本法庭上出现过吗?(你穿着其它衣服在本法庭上出现过吗?
律师:为什么问这个,好——海军细条纹衣服。

A159、场景再现:告诉别人不要张嘴说话,免得被别人发现傻。
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
闭着你的嘴,显着愚蠢要比张开嘴完全去掉人们的疑虑好。

Appearance(名词)外观;出现

A160、场景再现:没钱就是没钱,没必要装门面,爱装门面的人挺可笑的。
It must be great to be rich and let other people keep up appearances.
自己有钱却让别人装门面,肯定太棒了!

A161、场景再现:appearance(露面;外貌)一词多义引起歧义:
Teacher: I’ve asked you to come in, Mrs. Smith, to discuss Johnny’s appearance.
Mrs. Smith: Why? What’s wrong with his appearance?
Teacher: He hasn’t made one in this classroom since September.
老师:Smith太太,我要你进来是要讨论一下Johnny的出现(外貌)问题。
Smith太太:为什么这么说呢?他的外貌有什么问题吗?
老师:九月份以来他还没有在教室里出现过。
注:这位太太的儿子好久不来上学了。

Appetite(名词)食欲,胃口
谐音:(矮)屁太特;理解:矮个子放屁,太特殊,别人都没了食欲。

A162、场景再现:谈到社会、阶级、食品、食欲的关系(纯粹是故作高深):
Society is composed of two great classes: those who have more dinners than appetite, and those who have more appetite than dinners.
社会由两大阶级组成:一类人有很多食品但没什么食欲,一类人食欲旺盛但食品匮乏。

A163、场景再现:有人问你怎么能存下钱,你回答:
Any young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.
任何身体健康食欲差的年轻人都能存下钱。

Appetizing(形容词)美味可口的,促进食欲的

A164、场景再现:语言的歧义。
Good restaurant: Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
好饭馆:香喷喷的饭菜由女服务员以令人垂涎欲滴的形式端上来。
注: in appetizing forms可理解成“饭菜是令人垂涎欲滴的”,还可理解成“女招待是令人垂涎欲滴的”。

Applause(名词)鼓掌,掌声
谐音:鹅破(劳)死;理解:鹅拼命鼓掌,手都破了,劳累至丝。

A165、场景再现:舞台上想要观众鼓掌时可以这么说:
I love applause. I really do. In fact, if there’s one thing that would make my life perfect, it would be a doggie bag to take home any applause that’ left over.
我热爱掌声,真的。事实上如果说有什么事情能使我的生活变得完美的话,那就是用一个打包袋儿把剩下的掌声带回家。
注:这比时下流行的“嘿!来点儿掌声”要好玩儿一些。

A166、If you don’t applaud, I will play a record of applause.
如果你们不鼓掌,我就播放鼓掌的录音带。

Applicant(名词)申请人
谐音:(矮)破篱恳特;联想:矮矮的破篱笆恳请当一个特殊的保镖申请人。

A167、场景再现:responsible(负责任的;有责任的)一词造成幽默。
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
雇主对应聘者说:我们需要一个负责任的人。
应聘者:我就是你们要找的人,我上一个工作每次出了差错,他们都说我负责。

Application(名词)申请,申请表
谐音:矮破篱(kei)申;联想:矮矮的破篱笆可以申请围院子的工作。

A168、场景再现:诚实的应聘者。
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
一个应聘者正填写应聘申请表。填写“你是否被逮捕过?”这个问题时,他填得是“否”。下一个问题是让回答“是”的人填写“为什么?”应聘者填写:“从没被抓住过”。

Apply(动词)涂抹;申请;实施
谐音:鹅破(赖);联想:鹅为了申请工作,打破了无赖的头。

A169、场景再现:汽车标贴:
Caution! Driver's applying make-up
注意!司机正在化妆。
注:贴这样标贴的司机可能是一位爱漂亮的女士,告诉别人小心她的车。

A170、场景再现:招聘广告:
Help wanted, telepath[心灵感应]: you know where to apply.
招聘心灵感应研究人员,你知道去哪儿申请。
注:既然招聘研究心灵感应人员,就没必要告诉申请人去哪儿申请。

A171、场景再现:列宁说:
If the workers and peasant do not wish to accept socialism, our reply would be: Why waste words when we can apply force?
如果工人和农民不希望接受社会主义,我们的回答是我们能用武力为什么还要浪费口舌?
注: 无产阶级专政。

来自:牛牛幽默英语