Anyhow
Did you ever have nightmares about going to school dressed only in a vest that was too short anyway.
你做过这样的噩梦吗？只穿着一件特别短的小背心就来到了学校。
注：肯定没做作业。

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
家是你想说什么就说什么的地方，因为反正也没人听。
注：前半句说明家是自由的港湾，你可以发泄倾诉，后半句说在家里没人搭理你。

Big sister: Eat your spinach. It will put color in your cheeks.
Little sister: Who wants green cheeks anyway?
姐姐：吃点儿菠菜，你气色会变好（在脸上添颜色）。
妹妹：谁想要绿脸呢？
注：Put color: 使人气色变好。妹妹怕吃菠菜多了脸都边绿了。

I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I’m still bringing a change of underwear anyway.
我不相信有来生，但我还是准备带上换洗的内裤。
注：以防万一。如果真有天堂或地狱，等到了那儿，没有换洗的衣服多不方便呀。

Apart
Sex brought us together, but gender drove us apart.
性使我们走到了一起，但性别又把我们分开。
注：两性相吸，男女走到一起，但男女性格的差异又使他们分开。

How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
两车相撞时离得有多远？
注：在法庭上律师严肃地问询问证人。

Apart from a few odd words in Hebrew, I took it for granted that God had never spoken anything but the most dignified[尊贵] English.
除了几句奇怪的希伯莱文，我想当然地认为上帝除了最尊贵的英语以外从没有说过其他语言。
注：如果美国人的上帝说英语，中国人的上帝说中文，他们谁也不想学对方的语言，他们怎么交流呀？

Apartment
All my friends in Paris seemed very happy when I was leaving. To them they were not losing a friend but gaining an apartment.
当我要离开时，我所有在巴黎的朋友好象都很高兴，对他们来说他们一个朋友也没有失去，但却得到了一套公寓。
注：他要暂时离开半年，有套单元房留给朋友们住，朋友们很高兴，他们的友谊得以继续。

I really enjoy camping, especially since I don’t have enough money to buy an apartment.
我喜欢野营，特别是因为我没有足够的钱买房子。
注：他不是喜欢野营，他是没钱买房子，被逼无奈才住在帐篷里。

We’re lucky we have an apartment. If we lived in our car, we'd be home by now.
幸运地是我们还有房子住，我们如果住在汽车里，现在就到家里了。
注：你爸爸在车里抱怨交通拥堵，你这么劝他。
注：应该乐观地看问题。

Apologize
Worn-out baby-sitter to returning parents: Don’t apologize for being late. I wouldn’t be in a hurry to come home either.
疲惫的临时保姆对回来的父母说：别因为回来晚了向我道歉，换了我也不着急回家。
注：小孩儿把他（她）折磨得筋疲力尽了。

场景再现：有些人做错事儿，道歉，接着再做错事儿，再道歉，养成了道歉的习惯，后来没做错事儿时也会习惯性道歉。
She was the type that would wake up in the morning and immediately start apologizing.
她是这么一种人，早上醒来会立刻开始道歉。

I apologize for saying your parents were degenerates.
我说你父母堕落，我向你道歉。
注：表面上是道歉，其实又说了一遍“你父母堕落”。道歉不是因为说错了，而是因为说了出来。

场景再现：夫妻间特别有礼貌，为了一点儿小事儿相互道歉，妻子实在不耐烦了，用手枪指着丈夫的头说：
I’m sorry, but someone has to put a stop to this endless cycle of apologizing.
对不起，但是有人必须结束这场无休止的道歉。

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck, he apologizes to the truck.
如果一个英国人被一辆卡车撞倒，他向卡车道歉。
注：英国人非常绅士，被卡车撞了以后还彬彬有礼地冲卡车道歉。

She was the type who would wake up in the morning and immediately start apologizing.
她是那类早上醒来会立刻开始道歉的人。

I have made the habit of apologizing.
 我已经养成了道歉的习惯。

场景再现：这也是一种幽默技巧，你可以无由头地对你的同学说：
Apologize now,, it will save time.
开始道歉吧, 那样会节省时间。

Apology
Never make a defense or apology before you are accused.
被起诉前千万不要辩护或道歉。
注：律师最不希望人们有了点儿小摩擦就道歉了，他们希望人们都走上法庭。

Apparent
I brake for no apparent reason.
我没有明显的理由就刹车。
注：汽车标贴。如果你看到前面汽车上贴着这样的标贴，最好离它远点儿，这开车的没准就是个愣头青。

Bishops tend to live long lives ---- apparently the Lord is not all that keen for them to join Him.
主教们总能长寿——很明显上帝不太想和他们在一起。
注：“上帝让谁长寿就是不想和谁在一起”是个有趣的思维角度。

Appeal
Junior lawyer: Justice has triumphed!
Senior partner: Appeal at once!
年轻律师：正义胜利了！
资深律师合伙人：立即上诉！
注：干了很多年律师已经养成了职业习惯，一听见别人胜利了，马上就要上诉。

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts and his higher nature --- and another woman to help him forget them.
每个男人都想要一个女人迎合他好的一面：显示他高尚的本能和高贵的天性——需要另一个女人帮助他忘掉这一切。
注：讽刺一些道貌岸然的人。

I’m kind of like the Supreme Court ……No appeal!
我象是最高法院一样。……没有吸引力。
注：appeal吸引力；上诉。最高法院审理的案子没地方再上诉了。一个女人这样调侃自己。

The White House has great popular appeal, a number of families have expressed a desire to set in at anytime --- the Goldwaters, the Nixon, the Regons, and many others.
白宫具有很大的吸引力，很多家庭都表达了随时搬进去的愿望——Goldwater家，尼克松家，里根家…
注：中南海地处市中心，交通便利，很多人想买那儿的房子。

来自:牛牛幽默英语