Chapter 20 THE MINISTER IN A MAZE
第二十章 迷悯中的牧师

"Ha, ha, ha!" cackled the old witch-lady, still nodding her high head-dress at the minister. "Well, well, we must needs talk thus in the daytime! You carry it off like an old hand! But at midnight, and in the forest, we shall have other talk together!"
“哈,哈,哈!”那老妖婆咯咯地笑着,还向牧师一劲儿点着戴高帽的头。“好啦,好啦,我们在这光天化日之下是得这么讲话!你倒象个深通此道的老手!不过,等到夜半时分,在树林里,我们再在一起谈些别的吧!”

She passed on with her aged stateliness, but often turning back her head and smiling at him, like one willing to recognise a secret intimacy of connection.
她摆出一副德高年迈的姿态走开了,但仍不时回头朝他微笑,象是要一心看出他们之间不可告人的亲密关系似的。

"Have I then sold myself," thought the minister, "to the fiend whom, if men say true, this yellow-starched and velveted old hag has chosen for her prince and master!"
“这样看来,我是不是已经把自己出卖给那个恶魔啦?”牧师思忖着,“如果人们所说属实,这个浆着黄领、穿着绒袍的老妖婆,早就选了那恶魔作她的王子和主人啦!”

The wretched minister! He had made a bargain very like it! Tempted by a dream of happiness, he had yielded himself, with deliberate choice, as he had never done before, to what he knew was deadly sin. And the infectious poison of that sin had been thus rapidly diffused throughout his moral system. It had stupefied all blessed impulses, and awakened into vivid life the whole brotherhood of bad ones. Scorn, bitterness, unprovoked malignity, gratuitous desire of ill, ridicule of whatever was good and holy, all awoke, to tempt, even while they frightened him. And his encounter with old Mistress Hibbins, if it were a real incident, did but show his sympathy and fellowship with wicked mortals, and the world of perverted spirits.
这个不幸的牧师!他所作的那笔交易与此极其相似!他受着幸福的梦境的诱惑,经过周密的选择,居然前所未有地屈从于明知是罪大恶极的行径。面那桩罪孽的传染性毒素已经就此迅速扩散到他的整个道德体系,愚弄了一切神圣的冲动,而将全部恶念唤醒,变成活跃的生命。轻蔑、狠毒、无缘无故的恶言秽行和歹意;对善良和神圣的事物妄加嘲弄,这一切全都绘唤醒起来,虽说把他吓得要命,却仍在诱惑着他。而他和西宾斯老太太的不期而遇,如果当真只是巧合的话,也确实表明他已同恶毒的人们及堕落的灵魂的世界同流合污了。

He had, by this time, reached his dwelling, on the edge of the burial-ground, and, hastening up the stairs, took refuge in his study. The minister was glad to have reached this shelter, without first betraying himself to the world by any of those strange and wicked eccentricities to which he had been continually impelled while passing through the streets. He entered the accustomed room, and looked around him on its books, its windows, its fireplace, and the tapestried comfort of the walls, with the same perception of strangeness that had haunted him throughout his walk from the forest-dell into the town, and thitherward. Here he had studied and written; here, gone through fast and vigil, and come forth half alive; here striven to pray; here, borne a hundred thousand agonies! There was the Bible, in its rich old Hebrew, with Moses and the Prophets speaking to him, and God's voice through all! There, on the table, with the inky pen beside it, was an unfinished sermon, with a sentence broken in the midst, where his thoughts had ceased to gush out upon the page, two days before. He knew that it was himself, the thin and white-cheeked minister, who had done and suffered these things, and written thus far into the Election Sermon! But he seemed to stand apart, and eye this former self with scornful, pitying, but half-envious curiosity. That self was gone. Another man had returned out of the forest; a wiser one; with a knowledge of hidden mysteries which the simplicity of the former never could have reached. A bitter kind of knowledge that!
此时,他已走到坟场边上的住所,正在匆忙地踏上楼梯,躲进他的书斋中去一避。牧师能够进到这个庇荫之地,暗自高兴,因为这样一来,他就无须向世人暴露他在街上一路走来时那不断怂恿他的种种离奇古怪的邪念了。他走进熟悉的房间,环顾四周,看着室内的书籍、窗子、壁炉、接着壁毯的赏心悦目的墙壁,但从林中谷地进城来一路纠缠着他的同样的奇异感觉依然存在。他曾在这里研读和写作;他曾在这里斋戒和夜祷,以致弄得半死不活;他曾在这里尽心尽意地祈祷;他曾在这里忍受过成千上万种折磨!这里有那本装璜精美的《圣经》,上面用古老的希伯来文印着摩西和诸先知们对他的训戒,从头到尾全是上帝的声音!在桌上饱蘸墨水的鹅毛笔旁,摆着一篇未完成的布道词,一个句子写到中间就中断了,因为两天前他的思路再也涌不到纸上。他明知道那是他本人,两颊苍白、身材消瘦的牧师做的这些事、受的这些苦,写了这么些庆祝选举的布道文的!但他却象是站在一边,带着轻蔑和怜悯,而又怀着一些羡慕的好奇心,审视着先前的自己。那个自我已经一去不复返了,是另一个人从林中归来了,是具有神秘知识的男一个益发聪明的人了——那种知识是原先那人的简单头脑从来不可能企及的。那种知识真让人哭笑不得!