NO.1

The Bronx Zoo is missing a cobra, but apparently he's joined Twitter. The real snake still hasn't been found. Public officials say they're confident the snake isn't in a public area, like the Twitter account suggests (comedically, of course).
纽约Bronx动物园一条专门训练来上场表演的眼镜蛇近日逃走了！现在还下落不明，警方表示眼镜蛇不会在居住区出没，这条打着“Bronx动物园眼镜蛇”名号的Twitter账号也是如此声称的。（当然，人家只是在搞笑）

I wanna thank those animals from the movie "Madagascar". They were a real inspiration.
这条微博上蛇君说：真感谢电影《马达加斯加》里的动物朋友们，是你们鼓舞了我！

NO.2

A lot of people are asking how I can tweet with no access to a computer or fingers. Ever heard of an iPhone? Duh.
很多人问我说，你又没有电脑又没有手指，怎么发推？喂，你们不知道有iphone的嘛？

（喂这是iphone打的广告吧？这是iphone的人在借机打广告吧？）

NO.3

What does it take to get a cab？？It's cause I'm not white isn't it.
在纽约要肿么叫出租啊？难道因为我的肤色问题受到了歧视？？

NO.4

Donald Trump is thinking about running for president?? Don't worry. I'll handle this. Where is Trump Tower exactly?
唐纳德·特朗普要竞选总统？大家不要担心，这事我来解决！告诉我川普大楼的位置先~

（喂你不是去要咬人家吧？）

NO.5

Loving the tall grass at The High Line. Wait!!! I totally saw boob in a window in the Standard Hotel!!!
矮油！纽约高线公园这边的长草我喜欢！啊咧，纽约标准酒店那边窗子里看到的是神马？

(注：关于Standard Hotel有段背景：The hotel's blog even went so far as to beg people to have sex (and photograph it!) for the viewing pleasure of neighbors and people on the High Line. 于是小编不解释……)

NO.6

Anyone know if Rebecca Black lives in NYC? No reason.
谁知道Rebecca Black是不是住在纽约？没事我就问问。

（Rebecca Black，13岁的美国少女歌手，新单Friday不久之前才被Time狂批为歌词脑残到了极致，戳此了解详情>>  No reason？蛇君你想干嘛想干嘛？？）