1. I decided to rename all the contacts in my phone with their spirit animals. Who the hell is eternal baby chinchilla ?


2. 12 years ago I got really drunk at a college party and some guy at the party held my hair back while I threw up and walked me around the yard until I felt better. We’ve been married almost 7 years now.


3. I came home overserved andshowered my ID to my Dad at the front door of the house at 4amthniking it was another bar. My dad was in full cop uniform going to work. I got in but was not allowed out for a while.


4. One time I got drunkwith an old teacherfrom high school and apparently, at some point duringthe night, I raised my head and asked him if I could use the bathroom.


5. I once got so drunk I cried hysterically because my parakeet had to live his life without hands.


6. Got so drunk my friend let me stay over for the night. Woke up on the floor of their living roomwith my friends 8 year old son lining up action figures around my body saying”don’t wake the gaint! Tie him down!”
有一次我醉得很厉害,我的朋友收留我在他家过夜。我醒来时自己躺在他们家的地板上。我朋友8岁的儿子把玩具兵围绕在我周围 , 喊着“别吵醒巨人!捆住!放倒!”


7. One night I got so drunk at the bar that I stole a girl’s birthday crown off her head, went to another bar, and made eveyone there buy me birthday drinks.


9. I once left a party to walk home and woke up behind a strangers sofa cuddling a full grown German Shepherd.


10. I was super drunk at a bar once and walked into the bathroom. When I turned I bumped into someone and said”oh my gosh I’m so sorry”. Took me 5 minutes to realize that the “person” I bumped into wasmy reflection in the mirror.


11. Went out with $20. Woke up with 4250, 3 lighters, 2 phones & keys to someone else’s car..


12. One night I got drunk with a forgign diplomat. He thought I worked for ”the embassy”. Turns out I worked for “NBC”.


13. I stepped out of the barto smoke. I realized I had to pee in the worst way but I had half a cig left. Decided to squat between two cops cars for ‘privacy’. Shout out to the San Diego policemen who let me finish up before they cuffed me.


14. I was trapped in an elevator, used the emergency phone freaking out till the door opened and I was rescued. Couldn’t figure out why my rescuers seemed so annoyed. Turns out I wasn’t trapped, in my drunken state I just forgot to press a button.