Is it possible to like everyone in your office? Think about how tough it is to get together 15 people, much less 50, who all get along perfectly.
But unlike in friendships, you need coworkers.
You work with them every day, and whether they're your boss, direct report or equal, you depend on them just as they depend on you.
Here are some ways, based on psychological research and advice from career experts, that you can get the whole office on your side.
1. Know the difference between friends and coworkers.
It's tempting to want to like your coworkers. After all, you may see them more often than your romantic partner. But the things you want out of a friend and a colleague are often different. "People liking each other is not a necessary component to organizational success," Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of Credit and Blame at Work, told Harvard Business Review. In fact, liking people in your workplace too much is a "bigger problem" than liking them too little, according to Robert Sutton, a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University. Instead of dwelling on what you dislike about certain staffers, focus on their strengths and how to accomplish tasks together, which can improve relations. If you're a manager, always be fair and vigilant about keeping your own interpersonal bias out of reviews.
我们很难抑制自己想要喜欢同事的意愿，毕竟，你见他们的时间比见你的伴侣的时间要长得多。但是你想要从朋友身上获得的东西与同事身上获得的通常都不一样。“人们互相喜欢的这种感觉并非一家机构成功的必要因素，”Ben Dattner是一位组织心理学家，同时也是《工作的赞赏与惩罚》的作者，他接受《哈佛商业评论》杂志采访的时候说道。实际上，对同事投入过多的喜爱感情比对他们毫不关心来说更是一个“大问题”，根据斯坦福大学的管理科学与工程学教授Robert Sutton所说。与其沉迷于你对某个员工的厌弃感觉，倒不如留意他们的长处，留意他们是如何一起把任务达成的，这样还能改善人际关系。如果你是一位管理者，请永远保持公正，并警惕自己不要把个人偏见投放到对员工的评价当中。
2. Reveal, don't hide, information.
If you have a bone to pick with someone in your workplace, you may try to stay tight-lipped around them. But you won't be helping either one of you. Psychological research shows that people tend to prefer others who reveal information about themselves, rather than conceal it. A Harvard Business School study found that observers consistently rated those who were upfront about themselves more highly, while those who hid lost trustworthiness. This idea extends to the office: The same study found that employers were more likely to pick candidates who said they had done drugs over those who said no or chose not to answer. The lesson is not that you should make your personal life an open book, but rather, when given the option to offer up details about yourself or studiously stash them away, you should just be honest.
3. Slow down and listen.
Just as important as being honest about yourself is being receptive to others. We often feel the need to tell others how we feel, whether it's a concern about a project, a stray thought, or a compliment. Those are all valid, but you need to take time to hear out your coworkers, too. "Rushing to get your own ideas out there can cause colleagues to feel you don't value their opinions," Rita Friedman, a career coach, told Forbes. Do your best to engage coworkers in a genuine, back-and-forth conversation, rather than prioritizing your own thoughts.
4. Put yourselves in others' shoes.
Sometimes we listen without really processing what we're being told. But a hallmark of a successful manager is empathy, or what's become known as "emotional intelligence"—increasingly a highly valued skill in professional environments. It can be difficult to get out of your comfort zone and imagine how someone else feels, particularly if their thinking is far from yours, but it's essential to wielding influence. When Lou Gerstner was brought in to turn around the ailing IBM in the 1990s, he held unscripted Q&A sessions with employees in a listening tour he called Operation Bear Hug. It helped shift IBM's culture and strategy and make the company competitive again. Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg similarly hosts weekly Q&A sessions that allow employees to ask anything. Empathy "gives you better ideas, and it makes you worth listening to," Nancy Duarte, CEO of Duarte Design, writes in Harvard Business Review.
有时候，我们倾听他们，却没有在脑海里处理对方所说的话。而一名成功的管理者的特点就在于有同理心，或者众所周知的“情绪智商”——如今在职业环境里是日益受到高度重视的技能。也许你很难走出自己的舒适圈，很难去想象别人的感受，特别是如果他们的想法跟你的相差甚远，不过这对于创造影响力来说的极其重要的。当Lou Gerstner在90年代被带进衰弱的IBM公司时，他设置了一些称之为“Operation Bear Hug”的倾听之旅，安排与员工进行的脱稿问答环节。这些会议扭转了IBM公司的文化与策略，使得公司的竞争力再次大大提升。脸书的Mark Zuckerberg仅仅举办了每周的问答环节，允许员工随意提问。同理心“为你提供更好的点子，也使得你更值得他人倾听。”Nancy Duarte是杜尔特设计公司的行政总裁，她为《哈佛商业评论》撰稿时写道。