Exams

考试

By Jo Bertrand

乔伯特兰

 

Do you remember that nasty feeling of sweaty palms? A wave of nausea coming over you? The sudden inability to talk your mouth is so dry? No, it’s not the first meeting with the dreaded in-laws, although some parallels could easily be made. I’m talking about waiting at the door of an exam room, convinced that you know nothing and that there’s no way you will get through this experience alive.

你还记得掌心满是汗水的恐怖的焦虑感吗?你还记得当时那一阵阵的反胃吗?你还记得突然间口干舌燥说不出话的感觉吗?我说的可不是第一次见可怕的亲家,虽然有一定的相似之度。我说的是,当你在考试门外等待进入考场的那一刻,你觉得自己对考试内容一无所知,觉得自己一定不可能活着通过这次考试的感觉。


We’ve all been there at some point of our lives, whether it be for the 11+, the G.C.S.E French oral exam, university finals, the FCE exam… the list is endless. Somehow though we get through it. We survive to see another day. But what has always baffled me is how people react so differently when faced with the prospect of taking an exam.
我们在一生中的很多时刻都有过这种感觉:中学入学考试、中学的语法口语考试、大学期末考以及第一英语证书考试……举不胜举。好在我们都扛过来了。我们通过了并看到了新的天地。然而,让我迷惑的是,人们在面对考试时的反应是如此的不同。


I don’t know about you but I’ve always been insanely jealous of those people who party all year round, then the night before the exam flick through my course book, (theirs is empty because they didn’t go to any lectures), and then somehow manage to sail through the exam with flying colours. In the meantime I’m there, present and correct at most of my lectures, panicking for weeks before my finals, and the night before, not only am I trying to cram like mad everything my clever friend points out is missing from my file as he flicks through my text books and observes that I’ve missed out a whole chapter of essential work that is bound to come up in the exam, (draw for breath!), but I’m also panicking about packing my school bag.
我不知道你会不会像我一样,对于那些总是一年到头都参加派对,然后只是在考试前夜随手翻阅下我的教科书(他们的课本是空空的因为他们从不去听任何的课程),但是最后却顺利的通过考试的人,简直羡慕的要死。其间,我却忙于复习和修正课程,心惊肉跳的度过考试前几周。在考试前夜,当我一个聪明的朋友翻阅我的课本时,发现漏了一整章必考内容时,我不仅疯狂的试着把一切记下来,(深呼吸!),但在我在收拾书包时,内心却依然感到一阵阵恐慌。


Once you’re in the exam room there is the obligatory ritual of snacks and refreshments to be organised. It’s essential that you line them up in edible order so as not to have to think too much whilst writing. The idea is also not to make too much noise during the exam. There’s nothing worse than popcorn rustling in a cinema. The exam room is no exception. So it’s vitally important that the aforementioned sweets are opened and ready to go. Your packet of Polos should be completely opened. These should be sucked and not crunched at the time of consumption otherwise it defeats the whole object of trying to avoid noise pollution. Finally, no cans or cartons should be taken into the exams as both are far too noisy.
一旦你进入考场,安排好小吃和茶点是必不可少的规矩。很有必要把他们按照饮食的先后顺序排好队,省得在考试时还在想着先吃哪个。这也是为避免在考试时制造出不必要的噪音考虑的。再没有什么比电影院里吃爆米花的声音更难听的了。试场也不例外,所以一定要把上述的那些糖果包装袋提前打开,随时可取用,这一点至关重要。要把棒棒糖的包装袋完全打开,吃的时候只能吮,不能嚼。否则你试图避免噪音污染的目的可就彻底落空了。最后,不能把罐头和纸盒带进考场,因为这两样噪音都太大。

 

Next up is the bulging pencil case. You should of course have at least 2 pencils and 6 pens. 2 black, 2 blue, 2 red. If you want to go for the novelty points then choose a purple, or green scented pen. Any attempt to make the examiner smile can’t be wrong, can it? Don’t forget your highlighter pens, one of each colour, tipex, blu tack, glue. You never know what might happen. You need a personal clock, although the space on the table is becoming relatively limited at this point, so a watch is an acceptable option.
下面要说的便是装文具盒。你至少要装两支铅笔和六支签字笔。两支黑色,两支蓝色,两支红色。如果你想标新立异,那就选紫色或者绿色香味笔。任何能够让考官高兴的事是不会错的,对吧?不要忘了你的记号笔,每种颜色一支,tipex牌的,粗头的,还有胶水。你绝对不会知道会发生什么事情。你还需带一个闹钟,虽然在这种情况下桌面空间可能会不够用,但手表还是个很好的选择的。


As you turn your paper over, your mind inevitably goes blank for at least the first ten minutes and you start thinking back to the days when you had a life, in the pre-revision era. Suddenly though, fear takes over. You jab your forehead incessantly with a pen in the hope that this will encourage some sort of intelligent thought to flow from your brain to the paper via your biro. And miracles of miracles, it does. For the next three hours you write constantly, not even pausing for breath, let alone pausing to pick up a polo. In any case their destiny is to get sticky at the bottom of your bag because you stupidly opened the whole packet. But none of that matters anymore because you’re on fire. Nothing can stop you now. And three hours later you’re mentally exhausted and your arm wants to drop off. But you’ve got through it, or at least you think you have…
当你翻开试卷是,不可避免的,你会发觉大脑在前10分钟一片空白,然后你开始回想自己复习备考的那段时光。尽管如此,恐惧还是突然占据了你身心。你不停地用笔戳着前额,仿佛这样就能从大脑中汲取一些灵感,让它顺着圆珠笔流淌到卷面上似的。这一招还真管用,奇迹中的奇迹真的出现了。接下来的三个小时你毫不停歇地写着,只是偶尔拿起一支棒棒糖。因为你愚蠢地打开了一整包棒糖,所以每一次它们都会粘在你的书包底上。但也管不了那么多了,已经到了火烧眉毛的时刻了,现在没有什么可以阻止得了你。过了三个小时,你已精疲力尽,胳膊就象要断了一样。可是你成功地闯过来了,至少你自认为你闯过来了。


The post-exam ritual involves everyone saying; ‘Ok lets talk about anything other than the exam because that was absolutely awful.’, and then you all proceed to talk about nothing else but the exam for the next hour. Where you thought you’d done well, now after having listened to what everyone else put, well there’s just no way you could have passed. I wouldn’t even pass myself if I were marking it; the answers I put were so irrelevant. Quality not quantity is what we’ve always been told and I forgot that golden rule. I have an aching arm for nothing.
考试后司空见惯的场景是:每个人都在说“我们谈点与考试无关的事情吧,考试简直那太恶心了”。然而接下来的一小时,所有人都在谈论考试,别的却什么都不谈。一开始你还觉得自己考得还不错,但听完大家话后,就觉得自己根本不可能过关。我填的答案连我自己这一关都过不了,它们太不着边际了。重质不重量是我们耳熟能详的金科玉律,我把这一条给忘了。写得我胳膊发痛却一无所获。

 

Now comes the wait. Why can’t examining boards devise a wonderful marking system that can put you out of your misery within the next couple of days. Two months is an obscene amount of time if you ask me. Eventually the envelope arrives. A hot tip: when asked for your address you should always give your parents’ address to avoid having to rush to the door for a week around the results day and then actually having to open the dreaded envelope once it eventually arrives two days late, a sadistic delay intended so that you sweat it out some more. In any case your mum is scared enough as it is and is only too happy to pass on the good news when it arrives on her doorstep. Lo and behold the day when I fail an exam! I’m touching lots of wood as I write this.
现在到等待考试结果的时候了。为什么考试委员不能发明一套好点的记分系统,让能够你在考后几天内就可以解脱烦恼。在我看来,两个月的时间简直长得要命。最后终于来信了。热心提示:在填地址时一定要填你父母的地址,这样省得你在快要发表成绩的那个星期天天到门口查信,不过最后还是耽搁了两天,才看到这封可怕的信。要知道这多耽搁的两天简直是受虐,能让你惊出一身身冷汗。你妈妈也一直担惊受怕,只有当捷报送到门口时,她才会转忧为喜。回头想想我考试不及格的那些日子吧!我在写这文章之前也是磕磕绊绊地过来的。

 

Anyway, the upshot of all the stress and anxiety is that the hard work has paid off and even though you don’t quite get the A++ that your jammy friend got, you’re ecstatic with your well-earned B+.
不管怎样,压力和焦虑都过去了,这是你下苦功的回报。尽管你没有象你的铁哥们那样得到A++ ,只得了个来之不易的B+,这也足够让你欣喜若狂了。


Though one thing I haven’t quite worked out yet is what the attraction of exams is. There must be something addictive about the stress related to them. I spent last summer doing a teaching course followed by a horribly stress-inducing exam in December. Nobody forced me to do it. I actually volunteered and handed over a scary amount of money for the privilege. That’s stressful in itself! Neither have I learnt from my school exam days as I still went through the same old emotions, and the same old rituals and I’m very pleased to say it worked. Although I’m still convinced that it’s not so much what I wrote in my exam that did it but how I wrote it. The infallible mint-scented biro strikes again!
虽然,至今,我还不太清楚考试究竟有什么吸引力,但考试所带来的那种压力,一定有种令人上瘾的成分。去年夏天,我报了一个训练课程,接下来在十二月时参加了一次紧张至极的考试。谁也没强迫我做这一切,这是我自愿的,交了数目惊人的一笔钱来换取这种特殊享受。很紧张很刺激的一个过程!我在学校的考场上都没有体验过。昔日的感受又一次涌上心头,昔日的惯例又一上重演,让我高兴的是,这一套仍然管用。我仍然相信:能够通过,不是因为我写的答案正确,而是因为是我写答案的方式正确。那支永无谬误的薄荷香味圆珠笔又一次“显灵”了!