The Courtesies

The Courtesies
礼节


Etiquette requires you to work through a pile of time-wasters just to ask a simple question.
礼节让你不得不为了问个简单的问题而编造出一大堆浪费时间的话。


A: Hey Bill! It's been awhile. How are you? What have you been up to? How are the kids? HA HA! That's great! Do you still have that magnificent beard? I' tried to grow one but my face ends up looking like I dipped my jaw in Vaseline and then gave a Raspberry to the underside of a cat. Wow, it's so good to hear your voice...
A: 嘿,Bill!有段时间没见了,你最近怎样?都在忙点啥?孩子们好吗?哈哈!不错!你还留着你那令人惊艳的胡子吗?我也想试着留一个,可是结果我的脸看上去就像把下巴埋进了凡士林里,然后对着猫的下腹咂舌(这句话理解不能,高手在哪里!)哇,能听到你的声音真是太好了……

...20 minutes later
……20分钟之后

A: So uh.. the reason I'm calling is - can I borrow your chainsaw?
A: 所以说呃……我打电话来是想借你的链锯用一用。

B: No.
B: 不借。

A: OK Bill, no problem! Figured it couldn't hurt to ask. Well, it's been great talking to you, and we should meet up for beers sometime. I'd love to gaze upon that enchanting beard over a delicious beverage. We don't talk much anymore, you know? It's a shame. I remember when we used to run and laugh together without a care in the world, like little girls on the first day of summer...
A: 好吧,Bill,没事!我想问一问也无妨。恩,能跟你聊天感觉真好,我们哪天碰个面一起喝酒吧。我喜欢看你那迷人的胡子垂在美酒上的样子。你知道吗?我们现在已经很少交谈了,真遗憾啊。我还记得我们曾经一起跑步一起谈笑,将整个世界置身事外,就像夏日刚至时的小姑娘……

The Impulsive

The Impulsive
冲动


You don't have time to think about your responses.
你没时间考虑该如何回答。


A: Hey, I'm going on vocation and I need someone to look after my cat. He's pretty low maintenance, but you need to give his feetsies massages every hour or so. He also likes to be sung to sleep. Think you could look after him while I'm gone? It'd only be for three weeks or so.
A: 嘿,我要去度假了,要人帮忙照看我的猫。他非常好伺候,但你得每隔一小时左右给他的脚做按摩,另外他还喜欢听人哼歌来入睡。我走以后你可以帮忙照看他吧?只要大约三周的时间。

B: Um...sure, no problem. (OH F**K. WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?)
B: 嗯……好啊,没问题。(噢,该死的!我为什么要这么说!)

The Jagged

The Jagged
曲折


Neither one of you times your responses properly, so you're constantly interrupting one another. The conversation lacks any kind of flow.
你们双方都没有抓准回答的时机,于是不停地互相打断,交谈极不顺畅。


A: I really hate it when my wife puts rattlesnakes in the couch. She thinks it's hilarious but their venom is quite powerful and the bites are very painfu-
A: 我真是恨透了我老婆把响尾蛇放在沙发上的行为,她觉得这样很好玩,可是响尾蛇的毒液很强劲,咬起人来很疼……

B: OMG my wife does the same thing, except with scorpions! Sorry, didn't mean to cut you off, sometimes I -
B: 天呐,我老婆也这么干,只不过她用的是蝎子!抱歉,我不是故意要打断你的,有时候……

A: Oh no problem! It happe-
A: 噢,没事!这种情况……

B: So yeah, "Enough with the goddamn scorpions," I says to her! I thought it woul-
B: 是呀,我告诉她:“不要再弄那些该死的蝎子了!”我想这会……

A: I said the same thing! "Honey, rattler bites aren't funny." So what did she do? She swapped out the rattlers for cobras.
A: 我也说了同样的话!“亲爱的,响尾蛇咬起人来可不好玩。”你猜她怎么着?她不用响尾蛇改用眼镜蛇了。

The Pauses

The Pauses
停顿


On the phone, ten seconds of silence feels like ten years of silence.
在电话里,十秒钟不说话让人感觉像十年之久。


A: Yeah, so that's my story...That just about sums it up...
A: 嗯,这就是我的故事……我就是大概地描述一下……

A: "The End," heh heh
A: “全剧终”,呵呵。

A: So yeah...
A: 所以,那个……

The (complete lack of) Body Language

The (complete lack of) Body Language
(完全没有)肢体语言


Body language in conversation can make a huge difference.
在交谈中肢体语言可是会起到很大的作用。

Hey Carl, it's been forever since I saw you!
(左)嘿,Carl,我好久没见到你了!
(右)嘿,Carl,我好久没锯你了!