I’ve heard it all before. I’ve said it all before. The Oscar show is too long. Too boring. Too, too much. So here, a modest proposal for some changes to make the telecast more real, more relevant, more fun.

坊间早有抱怨，笔者也一再投诉：奥斯卡颁奖礼冗长枯燥，空洞无物。因而笔者在此斗胆提出十个建议，盼奥斯卡颁奖礼电视直播能更真实可信、中肯踏实，且趣味盎然。

Hold It Earlier -- Everything else has sped up; now, by Oscar time, many of these movies have already closed (or been honored at one of a dozen other awards shows). Move the Oscars to Feb. 1 and they’ll feel fresher.

颁奖礼要趁早——这年头，管它什么东西都加快了脚步。因而待到奥斯卡时间，大部分提名电影都已经下档，或者在别的电影奖上收获颇丰。建议把奥斯卡颁奖礼挪2月1号举行，才不至于有吃隔夜饭的感觉。

Start It Earlier -- This is Barbara Walters’ 29th – and last – year interviewing celebrities beforehand. Great. Don’t replace her, and begin the show earlier. Even a half-an-hour head start, and things might finally wrap up by 11.

颁奖时间要趁早——今年是芭芭拉·沃特斯第29年也是最后一次在颁奖礼前采访名人。很好，留着她，但拜托早点开始颁奖行不行。就算提早一个半小时的话，都得拖到晚上11点才结束咧。困不困啊？

One Host -- Yeah, I’m looking forward happily to Steve Martin, and nervously to Alec Baldwin. But multiple hosts usually slow things down. Stick with a single, smart, ad-libbing talent. Just not David Letterman.

一个主持足以——好吧，史蒂文·马丁让偶很期待，至于艾里克·鲍德温就不好说了。但终究主持人数一多就会拖沓。一个能说会道的人才足以。不要David Letterman就行了。

No Banter -- Comedy is good. Forced comedy is bad. Please no more corny puns, or painfully “funny” choices like having a sex symbol give out the award for “best special effects” or a kid actor present “best short subject.”

无礼嘲弄很不好——搞笑虽好，强颜欢笑却无聊。土掉渣的俏皮话就免了，包括调侃什么性感尤物颁发“最佳特效奖”、什么小屁孩颁发“最佳短片”之类的。

No Plugging -- Why is Star A standing up there at the podium with Star B? Because they have a new movie coming out soon and they want to push it any way they can. It’s a crass move. Save the selling for the commercials.

借机宣传不要谢谢——明星甲同明星乙站在某个角落blah blah是为何？因为他们有新片要出来逮着机会就得亮相宣传嘛。傻不拉机的，还不如省钱买电视广告。

No Salutes -- I have fond memories of Billy Crystal’s annual “It’s a Wonderful Night for Oscar.” But last year’s big “salute to the musical” extravaganza was solely a salute to Hugh Jackman. Can the medleys.

空洞致敬不要了——怀念当初Billy Crystal每年的“奥斯卡的美好夜晚”，不过去年向“音乐剧致敬”的段落吧，基本也就是向休·杰克曼致敬。咱就不要歌曲联唱了行不？

No Montages -- A related complaint – those endless themed clip jobs that recycle the same old “magical” moments. (How many times are we going to see “No prisoners!” from “Lawrence of Arabia”?) Enough already.

短片集锦看腻了——这个也是相对而言的，关键是因为每年无穷无尽主题的短片剪辑吧，总是反反复复围绕着那些个咱都看烦了的段落转，真是看得腻味了。

No Minor Awards -- The Academy has always resisted this, but really. Two awards for sound? Three awards for short subjects? Give them out during commercials, or fold into the earlier night of purely technical prizes.

小奖没意义——虽说电影学院总是在坚持这些奖项的必要性，但是真的有必要么？音效俩奖，短片仨？放广告的时候发发掉么好咧，要么就提早一天纯粹给技术类颁奖，多清净！

Better Presenters -- Having former winners announce the various acting nominees is a good idea – if there’s a connection. But last year saw Sir Ben Kingsley praising … Mickey Rourke? From now on, book friends, mentors.

找好玩点儿的颁奖嘉宾——要是找私底下有联系的前得奖人担当颁奖嘉宾给现得奖人发奖，那还说得过去。但是看看去年，居然找八竿子打不着的人。趁早找熟人，找良师益友。

Party, Party, Party -- Make it the way it used to be (and what the Golden Globes copied): A night just for the nominees and their friends, with an open bar. Then turn on the cameras. Now that’s entertainment.

狂欢派对才是王道啊——想当年这么整就不错，回头还让金球给抄了去，那就是为颁奖嘉宾和他们的好朋友们开个派对吧，整一个华丽丽的吧台，开着相机拍。这才是人们想看的东东！


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