1. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.

2. “No comment” is a comment.

3. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

4. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.

5. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

6. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?* As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)
6.为什么我们总是意识不到爱情何时开始,却总是知道何时结束?* 就像《L.A 故事》中的哈里斯.K.特勒马西(1991)史蒂文.科比尔名言

7. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush? I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough? Somebody shoot me in the face.”-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner

8. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.

9. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

10. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.