1. Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there’s your diamond in the rough.
1.任何人都可以因他满头的秀发而自信。但是自信的光头,就像杂草堆里的钻石。

2. “No comment” is a comment.
2.“无可奉告”就是一条奉告。

3. Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.
3.失眠是我最大的灵感来源。

4. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.
4.你知道你的问题出在哪儿吗?你看得电影不够多,生活中的所有困惑都能在电影里找到答案。

5. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
5.医生先是告诉我有一个好消息:有一种疾病将以我的名字命名。

6. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?* As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story” (1991)
6.为什么我们总是意识不到爱情何时开始,却总是知道何时结束?* 就像《L.A 故事》中的哈里斯.K.特勒马西(1991)史蒂文.科比尔名言

7. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush? I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough? Somebody shoot me in the face.”-Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner
7.“和我的偶像乔治.布什共进晚餐吗?我会感觉像是在做梦。有人会掐我,但是你知道吗。这可不够,我的梦可不容易醒,得有人在我头上狠狠敲一下。”

8. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice.
8.在这个节目里你的声音将被传达,当然了,是用我的声音。

9. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
9.在美国人们常说这样一句话:“我们将一切交给上帝”,这正是上帝想要的:我们的钱。

10. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck.
10.伙计们,我们的总统需要休息一下,就像百德公司的吸污天使牌无绳吸尘器,你不给他充电就没法吸脏东西了。