译言译语:从专八翻译真题看如何翻译
专八翻译真题:
得病以前,我受父母宠爱,在家中横行霸道,一旦隔离,拘禁在花园山坡上一幢小房子里,我顿感打入冷宫,十分郁郁不得志起来。一个春天的傍晚,园中百花怒放,父母在园中设宴,一时宾客云集,笑语四溢。我在山坡的小屋里,悄悄掀起窗帘,窥见园中大千世界,一片繁华,自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄,也穿插其间,个个喜气洋洋。一霎时,一阵被人摒弃,为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头,禁不住痛哭起来。
解析:
阅学生之译文,发现有一个问题值得注意,那就是如何在动笔翻译前,能迅速正确地确定英译的主语。如:
学生译文(以下简称“学译”):Before the illness, I was much petted by parents, doing everything at will in the home.
学译:Before I became ill, I have received all the favor of my parents, just like a little tyrant at home.
参考译文:Before I fell ill, I had been the bully under our roofs owing to my doting parents.
我们知道,汉语表达大多为“意合”结构,结构松散,以一个一个看似并列的短句拼凑而成,彼此逻辑关系不明显;但英语则不同于汉语,它是形合语言,非常讲究句子内部的逻辑关系的“外化”,所谓“外化”,即使用Connectives来表现其逻辑关系。我国译界有一个著名比喻:汉语句子的结构像”竹竿“,是一节接一节的;而英语句子则像“葡萄”,主干很短,而“挂”在上面的附加成分则很多。可以说,汉译英的过程,是一个由“竹竿”向“葡萄”转换的过程。首先要确定“一节接一节”的汉语句子,选其中的哪一节为英句的“(葡萄)主干”。
上面的汉语原句就含有一定的逻辑关系。“受父母宠爱”是因,而“在家中横行霸道”则是果。“果”应是全句的重心,英译上句,“(葡萄)主干” 当选定“在家中横行霸道”而非学生译文所选的“我受父母宠爱”。
学译:When isolated and taken into custody in a small house on the hillside of our garden, I felt like I was abandoned, getting more and more depressed.
学译:As soon as I was kept apart in a small flat built on the hillside in the garden, I suddenly felt being consigned to limbo, gloomily and disappointedly.
参考译文:Feeling like being deposed into a cold palace, I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration immediately after I was segregated and confined in a small house on a hillside in our garden.
汉语原句有“四节”,哪一部分应该成为英句之主干?“我顿感打入冷宫”,还是“十分郁郁不得志起来”?学译都把“我顿感打入冷宫”处理为“主干”,而参考译文则反其道而行之。细细分析,“十分郁郁不得志起来” 和“我顿感打入冷宫”,两者也有主次关系。显然,“十分郁郁不得志起来” 为主,“我顿感打入冷宫” 为次。两者之间,不仅存在时间先后的顺序,而且还存在着逻辑上的“因果”。因此参考译文处理得当。另一个值得参考之处在于:“主干”(I began to taste the bitterness of depression and frustration)的前后均有附加成分,句子显出“平衡美”。
学译:At one dusk in spring, flowers were blooming wildly in the garden, my parents were holding a banquet, in which guests were gathering, laughters could be heard everywhere.
学译:On a spring evening, hundreds of flowers were in full bloom in the garden where my parents hosted a banquet. For a while, guests gathered in large number, laughing and talking, which could be heard clearly.
参考译文:On a spring evening, my parents gave a banquet in the garden where a profusion of flowers were in full bloom. In no time, a crowd of their guests collected and laughter was heard all over there.
汉语原句的“节数”增加到“五节”。译成英语,仍应确定正确的“主干”,两个“学译”不谋而合,将“园中百花怒放”,而不是“父母在园中设宴” 作为主干来处理。读来,给人一种观比萨斜塔的感觉。相比之下,参考译文则给人一种美感,散发出浓郁的英语味。原因很简单,参考译文选对了英译之“主干” (my parents gave a banquet in the garden)。另外一个值得记取的经验是:汉语原句出现了一个句号,因此80%左右的学生译文,也亦步亦趋硬性译成了一句,以上两句“学译”也不例外。复观参考译文我们发现,被处理成两句后从容之中多了些干练。
学译:I stayed in the small flat on the hillside, quietly opened the curtain, caught glimpse of the world in the garden, it was so flourishing:my brothers and sisters, male cousins, were coming and going through, everyone looked pleasant.
学译:In the small cottage on the hillside, secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted, including my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins.
参考译文:I, without being noticed, lifted the curtain in my small room, only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden, and my elder sisters, brothers and my cousins, each full of the joys of spring, were shuttling among the guests.
汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加:八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”,学译显得有点“技穷”,无奈之下,以上两句学译便依样画葫芦,照汉语原文的感觉走,见一句就译一句,不考虑“节”间关系,不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二句学译甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系,不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐,堂表弟兄”,而错把All of them were delighted当作“主干”,而把my brothers, my sisters,and my cousins 用including 作为其中包含的成员处理。
复观参考译文,发现译者在落下译笔之前,对原句的逻辑梳理非常到位,因此确定主干也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”,英译就站稳了脚跟。特别值得一提的是,译者在第一个“主干” (lifted the curtain in my small room)之后,用了一个动词不定式短语,表示结果,在这个动词不定式短语前添加了一个副词only,译文顿时生色!这说明,除了经过逻辑分析确定“主干”之外,能活用所掌握的词汇,也极为重要。我们初学英语之时,就已经学到:only to是一个很有感情色彩的表达,其含义是:不料竟会……;没想到会……。
学译:It was so quick that I felt being deserted by people and by the whole world, bursting into tears.
学译:I couldn‘t help crying bitter, with a feeing of being abandoned by others flooded in my heart at that moment.
参考译文:Quickly enough, I was thrown into a fist of sorrowful anger at being forgotten and discarded by the rest and could not help crying my heart out.
汉语原句的“节数”有四节。若对句中的最后两节略作分析,不难发现 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 之间是一种先后关系,也略带因果关系,但总的来说,两个短语所占分量大致相同所以处理时,以使用并列句为好,没有必要强调主次。学译分别把 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 作为主语,另一个短句作为修饰成分,但读起来感觉分句不是太简略就是太冗长。而参考译文的并列处理则摆平了这两个短句,读起来通顺流畅。
所以,在选定“主干”时,也应当避免形而上学的思维,选择主句的同时,还要深入分析以下句间真正的关系所在,在并列或先后关系的句子中,也不能强行设立一个“主干”,而弄巧成拙。