Admission
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
一个应聘者正在接受一所著名医学院的入学面试。考官说，“告诉我，十年后你希望自己在哪儿？”
“让我想想，”学生回答，“今天是星期三下午，我想我现在正在高尔夫球场。”
注：医生在美国挣钱多，受人尊敬，这位还没考上就想着打高尔夫了。

Admit
"I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong."
我愿意承认我可能不总正确，但我决不会错。
注：不管怎样，就是不承认自己错了。

In politics……never retract, never retract…… never admit a mistake.
从政时…….决不要退缩，决不要退缩‿……决不要承认错误。
注：从政的人脸皮要厚。

I admit I would rather choose a wife who has the usual number of limbs …..and although one eye may be very agreeable, society has always been in favor of two.
我承认我宁愿选择一个四肢健全的妻子……尽管一只眼睛也可能很令人愉快，但世俗的偏见还是认为两只眼睛好。
注：世俗的偏见认为两只眼睛好，认为头发茂盛好。

The law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
法律禁止我承认错误。
注：如果有人让你承认错误，你可以这样告诉他们。

场景再现：某人装修房子花了很多钱，他很心疼地说：
When my wallet stopped aching, I had to admit that my new home was quite something.
当我的钱包不再疼痛时，我得承认我的新家真得象回事了。

Adopt
Retirement is when millions of Americans finally have the opportunity to adopt an alternate[交替的] lifestyle --- poverty.
退休是百万美国人终于有机会换一种方式生活了——贫穷。
注：退休后只拿固定的退休金，挣得少了，以前打高尔夫的改成弹玻璃球了。

Leo: Listen, I’m nobody’s fool.
Cleo: Then why don’t you get yourself adopted?
Leo：听着，谁也不能把我当傻瓜。
Cleo：为什么你不收养你自己呢？
注：I’m nobody’s fool字面意思是：我可不是别人的傻瓜。

“What’s the idea of the Greens having French lessons?”
“They have adopted a French baby, and want to understand what she says when she begins to talk.”
“Green夫妇为什么要学法语呢？”
“他们收养了一名法国婴儿，想等她开口讲话时能听懂她的话。
注：这对夫妇考虑多周到啊。

Adult
Adults: 1 tablet [片] 3 times a day until passing away.
成人：一次一片，一天三次，直到病症消失。
注：日本一种药瓶上的使用说明。until passing away还可理解成：直到死。

A talk show is an unnatural act between consenting adults in public.
脱口秀是相互同意的成人之间在公共场合的非自然行为。
注：电视上的脱口秀访谈节目中嘉宾和主持人看似是随意交谈，实际上在下面就该说什么不该说什么早达成了协议。

advantage
There’s another advantage of being poor --- a doctor will cure you faster.
穷人还有一个好处——医生会更快地治好你的病。
注：如果病人有钱，有些医生故意不立即治好病人的病。

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
每天锻炼的好处是你能够更健康的死去。
注：朋友劝你多锻炼，你不想锻炼，就可以这么开玩笑。意思是“锻炼不锻炼，还不是都得死，你又不能健康地死去。”

There is an advantage of a president being over seventy, that is he doesn’t have to listen to his mother.
年龄超过70岁的总统只有一个优点——他不必听妈妈的。
注：里根70多岁了还当总统，讽刺他年龄大了。

You have a magnificent chance, with all the advantages of wealth and position. Don’t throw it away by any exhibition of talent.
你有钱有地位，这些优势使你的机会无与伦比，不要显示你的才能把机会丢掉。
注：有时候钱和地位比才能更重要。但我们还是要努力提高自己的才能，否则你既没钱，又没地位，还没有才能，那就更没有机会了。

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.[清洁女工]
邀请您使用我们的客房服务。
注：日本一家旅馆的提示。这句话还可理解成：邀请您占我们清洁女工的便宜。
清洁女工还可说成：CCO (chief cleaning officer)，
模仿CEO (chief executive officer)。

Advertise
Why don’t you advertise for your lost dog?
The dog can’t read.
你的狗丢了，为什么不登个广告？——狗又不识字。

Beggar: Can you help me? I have lost my legs.
Gentleman: I haven’t got them. Why don’t you advertise for them?
乞丐：您能帮帮我吗？我失去了双腿。
绅士：我没捡到它们，你为什么不登寻物启示呢？
注：I have lost my legs.还可理解成：我把双腿丢了。

Advertising is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
广告是85%的困惑和15%的佣金。
注：现在很多广告云山雾照，人们很困惑，不知道它在说什么，但广告策划者拿走了15%的佣金。

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
广告可以被描述为长时间俘虏人类智力从中赚钱的科学。
注：广告狂轰烂炸，广告产品逐渐走进了人们脑子，自然他们就赚到了钱。

来自:牛牛幽默英语