Emotional intelligence is a choice and a discipline, not an innate quality bestowed upon the lucky. Find out if you have what it takes in this critical skill.
情商是一种选择,是一种自律行为,而不是天生凭运气馈赠得来的一种品质。一起来看看你有没有这样的核心能力。

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: People with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
当情商首次进入大众视野时,它被视作一项奇特发现中缺失的一环。70%的时间里,拥有平均智商的人群比高智商人群表现得更加出色。这一结论颠覆性地扭转了大众原本的假设:智商是成功的唯一因素。

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
数十年的研究指出,情商可以作为区分成功人士和普通人群的关键指标。这一关系非常显著,90%的成功人士都拥有高情商。

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.
情商对于我们来说是一种存在于个体内的无形之物。它对我们如何管理行为、处理社交、自我驱动实现积极结果都产生了影响。

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.
除了情商的重要作用外,它无形的本质使之很难判断高低,也很难知道如何去提高。你可以进行科学有效的情商测试,比如用情商2.0这本书。

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests aren’t free. So, I’ve analyzed the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. What follows are sure signs that you have a high EQ.
不幸的是,情商测试(科学有效)通常不是免费的。所以我分析了来自TalentSmart对数百万人的测试数据,以此确定高情商的特征。以下表现可以明确体现出你的高情商。

1. You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary.
1.你拥有丰富的情感词汇

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36 percent of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.
所有人都会有感情,但只有少部分人能够准确地描述出自己的感受。我们的研究发现只有36%的人可以做到这一点,这可能反映出一个问题:未被定义的情感很容易被误解,从而导致荒谬的选择和未能达成预期的行动。

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
拥有高情商的人们可以管控情绪,因为他们能够理解,并且能够使用丰富的词汇来形容。许多人可能只会用“不好”来简单形容感受,而高情商人群会指出他们是急躁、失意、压抑或焦虑。你选择的词汇越精准,越能够明白你的真实感受、产生的原因和如何处理。

2. You’re Curious About People.
2.你对别人有好奇心

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.
不管对方是内向和外向的人,高情商的人都能够对周围的人产生。这种好奇心是移情作用的产物——这是高情商的最重要门槛之一。你越关心他人和他们的状况,你对他们越有好奇心。

3. You Embrace Change.
3.你拥抱改变

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness. They look for change that is lurking just around the corner, and they form a plan of action should these changes occur.
高情商人群灵活、适应能力强。他们深知,对改变的恐惧会麻痹自己,是对成功和快乐的最大威胁。他们寻找隐藏在转角的变化,并为可能发生的改变制定行动计划。

4. You Know Your Strengths And Weaknesses.
4.了解自己的优缺点

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.
高情商人群不仅理解自己的感情,他们还知道他们擅长什么和不擅长什么。他们也知道谁或什么样的环境(人和事)能够促使自己成功。拥有高情商意味着你知道你的长处,知道如何依靠长处充分发挥,做到扬长避短。

5. You’re A Good Judge Of Character.
5.你对性格特征善于识别

Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness: the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through. Over time, this skill makes you an exceptional judge of character. People are no mystery to you. You know what they’re all about and understand their motivations, even those that lie hidden beneath the surface.
高情商最终体现在社交敏感度,即识人的能力。久而久之,这种技能让你成为一位识人高手。任何人对你而言都不再是个谜题。你能够识破别人的行为和动机,甚至那些隐藏在表面之下的谎言。

6. You Are Difficult To Offend.
6.你不易冒犯

If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you, because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
如果你坚持自我,别人很难通过语言或行动来惹怒你。高情商人群充满自信,开放包容,以此练就了厚脸皮。你甚至不介意自嘲或者被他人开玩笑,因为你能够清楚区分幽默和讽刺。

7. You Let Go of Mistakes.
7.放下错误

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.
高情商人群能够放下过失,但不会遗忘它。将错误保持在安全范围内,在需要参考的时候随时可得。他们可以针对将来的成功进行调整和适应。太过拘泥于你的错误会使你变得焦虑和恐惧,而彻底遗忘错误则可能重蹈覆辙。

8. You Don’t Hold Grudges.
8.放下仇恨

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
记恨的负面情绪实际上是一种应激反应的表现。试着想想那些让你的身体处于急性应激反应的事件,一项让你起身战斗的生存机制或是被迫冲上山顶的威胁。当这种威胁是迫在眉睫的,你的反应关于生死;但如果这种威胁是历史遗留问题,紧抓不放会给你的身体带来毁灭性的影响。事实上,Emory大学的研究学者发现高压会带来高血压和心脏疾病。紧紧抓住仇怨意味着你紧紧抓住压力,然而高情商的人们知道如何尽自己所能避免。放下哀怨不仅让你感觉良好还会有助健康。

9. You Neutralize Toxic People.
9. 中和负面情绪的人群

Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
很多情况下与难相处的人打交道确实会让自己身心疲惫。高情商人群能够控制自己不与负面情绪的人群接触。但当他们与这些人接触时,他们就会理性地应对。他们能够清楚自己的情绪并控制怒气避免火上浇油。他们同时也会考虑难相处的人的立场并能够找到折衷的解决方案。即使事情完全失控,高情商的人都能够对麻烦的人有所保留,以此防止对方让事情变得更糟糕。

10. You Don’t Seek Perfection.
10. 舍弃对完美的追求

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you’ve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
高情商人群不会把完美作为自己的最终目标,因为他们很清楚完美是根本不可能的。人,因最原始的本质,都是会犯错的。如果你把完美计划作为自己的目标,你就会永远挑剔,这会让你想放弃或减少付出。不应该把时间花在为过去的失利恸哭、为该做而没做的事情后悔、为实现的成就或即将实现的成就而高兴。

11. You Disconnect.
11.适当与外界断联。

Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels. Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an e-mail that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment.
能够将时间进行分隔处理是高情商的表现,因为这能够帮助你控制压力并感受生活。当你每周每天都随时待命,你就让自己处于一个不断接受压力影响的环境中。迫使自己断绝联系,甚至——啪!关上手机,给自己的身心一个休息的机会。研究发现一件简单的小事情,比如发一封邮件的时间都可以帮助你减轻压力。科技让人们之间的联系和期待维持随时待命的状态,这样就很难让人享受到工作以外的无压力的时间,因为一封邮件就能控制你的思考,也让你随时都离不开手机。

12. You Limit Your Caffeine Intake.
12.控制咖啡因的摄取

Drinking excessive amounts of caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, and adrenaline is the source of the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response to ensure survival. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt e-mail. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. Caffeine’s long half-life ensures you stay this way as it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body. High-EQ individuals know that caffeine is trouble, and they don’t let it get the better of them.
摄取过量的咖啡因会促进肾上腺素的分泌,而肾上腺素就是让人攻击或逃避反应的激素来源。攻击-逃避机制避开理性思考,而追求更快的反应以确保生存。在你被一只黑熊追逐的时候是很有效的,但是被简单而粗暴的邮件追逐的时候,情况就不一样了。当咖啡因促使你的头脑和身体进入一个高度兴奋的压力状态时,你的情绪就会大大超越你的行为。咖啡因的长时效性让你持续情绪高涨,久久无法平静。高情商的人了解咖啡因会带来麻烦,而不让自己去接触它。

13. You Get Enough Sleep.
13.保持充足的睡眠

It’s difficult to overstate the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams) so that you wake up alert and clearheaded. High-EQ individuals know that their self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when they don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. So, they make sleep a top priority.
实际上很难通过语言去夸大睡眠对提高情商和控制压力的重要性。当你进入睡眠状态,你的大脑再次充电,充斥着白天的记忆,并把它们存储或投射出来(即梦的来源),因此当你起床时会头脑清醒。高情商的人知道如果没有足够的睡眠,自控力、专注力和注意力都会降低。所以,他们把睡眠当作自己的首要事情。

14. You Stop Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks.
14.停止自我否定

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural tendency to perceive threats (inflating the frequency or severity of an event). Emotionally intelligent people separate their thoughts from the facts in order to escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive, new outlook.
你越反思负面的想法,你就越消极。大多数的负面想法都仅仅是想法而已,并不是事实。当你感觉到某些事情总是发生或从不发生,这仅仅是因为你的大脑主动接受威胁的自然趋势(夸大事情的频率和严重程度)。高情商人群能够把想法和事实分离开来,以此摆脱负面的恶性循环,走向积极全新的观点。

15. You Won’t Let Anyone Limit Your Joy.
15.不让他人影响自己的乐趣

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
当你的愉快和满足感被他人的观点影响了,你就不再能够感受乐趣了。高情商的人对自己所做的事情感觉良好,他们不会受别人的观点或暗讽影响。当你无法脱离别人对你的看法时,你也不必与他们比较,就可以远离他人的评头论足。因此,无论别人说了什么或做了什么,你的自我价值都只来源于自己的内心。

Bringing It All Together:
总结:

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.
不同于智商,你的情商可以被有效塑造。如果你不断练习新的高情商行为,自然会转换成习惯。当你的大脑不断加固这些新的习惯,那些支持旧有的坏行为就会先后消失。不久之后,你会不假思索地对周围的环境做出高情商的回应。