1891年,处在写作生涯巅峰期的王尔德遇见了阿尔弗雷德·“波西”·道格拉斯(Alfred "Bosie" Douglas),两人很快成为了同性恋人。四年后,因为这段“不敢说出名字的爱”,王尔德被判“有伤风化”罪而入狱。在狱中,王尔德开始反思从前的生活,思索痛苦和人生的意义,艺术和爱的真谛,最终将那些痛苦的泪水都化作优美而深沉的文字,写成了这封名为"de profundis"(从深处)的长信。

作者简介:奥斯卡·王尔德(Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900),英国维多利亚时代著名作家,“唯美主义运动”的领军人物,倡导“为艺术而艺术”(Art for art's sake)。他的代表作有戏剧《莎乐美》(Salome)《认真的重要性》(The Importance of Being Earnest),童话《快乐王子》(The Happy Prince) 《夜莺与玫瑰》(The Nightingale and the Rose),小说《道连·格雷的画像》(The Picture of Dorian Gray),以及书信《自深深处》(De Profundis)等。

【原著选段】

When first I was put into prison some people advised me to try and forget who I was. It was ruinous advice. It is only by realising what I am that I have found comfort of any kind. Now I am advised by others to try on my release to forget that I have ever been in a prison at all. I know that would be equally fatal. It would mean that I would be always haunted by an intolerable sense of disgrace, and that those things that are meant as much for me as for anyone else—the beauty of the sun and the moon, the pageant of the seasons, the music of daybreak and the silence of great nights, the rain falling through the leaves, or the dew creeping over the grass and making it silver—would be tainted for me, and lose their healing power and their power of communicating joy. To reject one’s own experiences is to arrest one’s own development. To deny one’s own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one’s own life. It is no less than a denial of the Soul.

【朱纯深译本】

刚进监狱时,有些人劝我忘掉自己是谁。要听了这话就完了。只有领悟了自己是什么人,我心中才有安宁可言。现在又有些人劝我一出狱就忘掉自己曾经坐过牢。我知道要听了这话也会同样要命的。这意味着一种不可容忍的耻辱之感将永远紧追我不舍,这意味着那些我跟旁人一样钟爱的事物——日月之美、四季之盛、黎明的音乐、长夜的静谧、绿叶间滴落的雨点、悄悄爬上草地把它缀成银光一片的露珠——这一切在我眼里都将蒙上污渍,失去它们疗治心灵的能力,失去它们传达欢乐的能力。抵讳自己的经历就是遏止自己的发展。抵赖自己的经历就是让自己的生命口吐谎言。这无异于排斥灵魂。

【读书笔记】

1、ruinous a.毁灭性的;灾难性的;倾圮的;破败的
【举例】ruinous floods 灾难性的洪水
a building in a ruinous condition 破败不堪的建筑

2、haunt v.(思想、回忆等)萦绕在心头;使困扰;使苦恼;(鬼魂等)常出没于
【举例】be haunted by the fear of cancer 被对癌症的恐惧所困扰
This is a problem that haunts all of us. 这是一个使我们大家都苦恼不已的问题。
The old house is said to be haunted. 听说那老房子闹鬼。

3、taint v.污染;败坏;玷污
【举例】Oil has tainted the water. 油把水污染了。
Greed tainted his mind.  贪婪玷污了他的心灵。

4、reject v.拒绝;摒弃;排斥
【举例】She rejected his offer of help. 她拒绝了他的帮助。
reject a job candidate 淘汰一名求职者
children rejected by their natural parents 被亲生父母嫌弃的孩子们

5、arrest v.逮捕;阻止;抑制;吸引……的注意
【举例】A man was arrested on suspicion of murder. 一名男子因涉嫌谋杀而被捕。
His words arrested my pen. 他的话使我停下了笔。
The book arrested the reader immediately. 这本书立刻就把读者吸引住了。

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