秋天的怀念
Fond Memories of Autumn

史铁生
By Shi Tiesheng

双腿瘫痪后，我的脾气变得暴怒无常。望着望着天上北归的雁阵，我会突然把面前的玻璃砸碎；听着听着李谷一甜美的歌声，我会猛地把手边的东西摔向四周的墙壁。母亲就悄悄的躲出去，在我看不见的地方偷偷地听着我的动静。当一切恢复沉寂，她又悄悄地进来，眼边红红的，看着我。
When my legs were paralyzed, my temper became out of control. Looking at the wild geese flying back north in the sky, I would suddenly smash the window glass in front of me. Listening to the sweet songs sang by Li Guyi, I would thrust everything in hands into surrounding walls. Mother then hid herself quietly, watching my behavior out of my view secretly. Until everything turned still, she came in again quietly, watching me with her sad eyes.

 “听说北海的花儿都开了，我推着你去走走。”她总是这么说。母亲喜欢花，可自从我的腿瘫痪后，她侍弄的那些花都死了。
“I’ve heard that all flowers are in blossom in Beihai, let me push you to have a look.” She always (used to say)said that to me. Mother loves flowers, but since my legs broken, the flowers grown by her all withered.

 “不，我不去！”我狠命地捶打着两条可恨的腿，喊着，“我活着有什么劲！”母亲扑过来抓住我的手，忍住哭声说:“咱娘儿俩在一块儿，好好儿活，好好儿活……”
“No, I don’t want to go.” I beat my cursed legs desperately, shouting, “What I am still living for?” Mother rushed to grasp my hands, inhibiting crying,(saying between subdued sobs) “We two are together and live a good life, live a happy life…”

可我却一直都不知道，她的病已经到了那步田地。后来妹妹告诉我，她常常肝疼得整宿整宿翻来覆去地睡不了觉。
I never aware that her illness cannot became even worse. Afterwards, Sister told me, Mother often could not fall asleep for the whole night for her liver aching seriously( with pains in liver).

那天我又独自坐在屋里，看着窗外的树叶唰唰啦啦的飘落。母亲进来了，挡在窗前：“北海的菊花开了，我推着你去看看吧。”她憔悴的脸上现出央求般的神色。
Another day, I stayed at home alone again, witnessing outer leaves following(watching the rustling fall of autumn leaves through the windows). Then, Mother came in, standing at the window, “The chrysanthemums in Beihai are blossoming. Let me take you there for a visit.” The pleading look showed on her haggard face.

“什么时候？”“你要是愿意，就明天？”她说。我的回答已经让她喜出望外了。“好吧，就明天。”我说。她高兴得一会儿坐，一会站起：“那就赶紧准备准备。”
“When?” “If you’d like, tomorrow is ok?” She felt surprised and excited. “Ok, just tomorrow.” She turned so delighted that she didn’t know whether to sit or stand. “Let’s prepare at once.”

“诶呀，烦不烦？几步路，有什么好准备的！”她也笑了，坐在我身边，絮絮叨叨地说着：“看完菊花，咱们就去‘仿膳’，你小时候最爱吃那儿得豌豆黄儿。还记得那回我带你去北海吗？你偏说那杨树花是毛毛虫，跑着，一脚踩扁一个……”她忽然不说了。对于“跑”和“踩”一类的字眼儿，她比我还敏感。她又悄悄地出去了。
“Oh, what a bore! It’s very near, and do we need to get ready?” We both burst into laughing and she sat beside me, murmuring, “Afterwards, we’ll go to Fang Shan Restaurant. When you were young, you liked puree peas best. Do you still remember our last tour to Beihai? You insisted that the poplar flowers be worms and ran to stamp on them one by one…” Suddenly, she broke off. She was more sensitive to words like “run” and “stamp” than I was.

她出去了，就再也没回来。
She came out , but never returned.

邻居们把她抬上车时，她还在大口大口地吐着鲜血。我没想到她已经病成那样。看着三轮车远去，也绝没有想到那竟是永远的诀别。
She was still vomiting blood when neighbors carried her onto cart. I never thought she was so seriously ill. I never thought that was the eternal departure, watching the three-wheel leaving far and far.

邻居的小伙子背着我去看她的时候，她正艰难地呼吸着，像她那一生艰难的生活。别人告诉我，她昏迷前的最后一句话是:“我那个有病的儿子和我那个还未成年的女儿……”
The young man next door carried me on his back to see her. She was striving to grasp her last breath, just like her entire hard life. I was told that her last words were: “I have a paralyzed son and an unmarried daughter.”

又是秋天，妹妹推我去北海看了菊花。黄色的花淡雅，白色的花高洁，紫红色的花热烈而深沉，泼泼洒洒，秋风中正开得烂漫。我懂得母亲没有说完的话。妹妹也懂。我俩在一块儿，要好好生活……
It’s autumn again, Sister wheeled me to Beihai to see the chrysanthemums. The yellow ones showed simple and elegant; the white ones, pure and noble; the purple ones, warm and deep; all were in full blossom in the autumn breeze. I totally understand Mother’s unfinished words. So does Sister. We both live together for a happy life…