1. Scotland’s King Alexander III insisted one night on making a solo trek
to return to his wife, Yolande, after a time away. Unfortunately for all parties involved, he was thrown from his horse and instantly killed.
2. While out hunting with a group of his peers, King William II, son of William The Conquer, was accidentally shot and killed by his friend who was clearly a lackluster
huntsman. Everyone panicked, with the friend taking off, and his other compatriots fled back to the castle. William rotted for several days until they came back.
3. King George V was dying slowly from pulmonary
failure. When the end was near, his doctor killed him by injecting him with cocaine and morphine. His reason for offing the leader of the nation? It was all about timing — if the king died in the morning, his death would feature in the morning papers, not the evening ones.
4. King James II of Scotland was killed by his own cannon
, which he decided to stand close to and fire to impress his lady love. His thigh was cut right in half and he bled out immediately.
5. William the Conquer conquered all sorts of things, like the Saxons. But while on the battlefield, his horse stopped abruptly, jamming the king’s innards against his saddle and rupturing his guts. Yes, he was murdered by his horse.
6. King George II died the way he lived, with 30 known mistresses and on the toilet after a terrible bout of constipation.
7. King John’s greatest contribution to history was being the architect of the Magna Carta in 1215. His second greatest achievement was eating a barrel of peaches while lost in the woods and defecating himself to death.
8. King James I’s death at first glance seems incredibly noble — he died after being attacked by a bevy of stab-happy assassins. But a little research makes his death slightly more cringeworthy
. Yes, he was stabbed to death by assassins… who chased him into the feces-filled sewer where he had decided to hide in his pajamas.
9. King Henry I ate a lamprey, a parasitic fish that is known to bring harm to humans.
10. Henry VIII is known as the despotic ginger-haired, heavy-set monarch
who loved a good wedding. But in his prime, the man was an avid sportsman and considered to be quite dashing. Towards the end of his life, that was not the case. He weighed over 400 lbs and had a permanently leeching leg ulcer, bed sores, and all manner of other ailments. His coffin was lined with lead, but that did not prevent his corpse from imploding and leaking out kingly juices onto the streets.