1. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: Getaway car too small for heist

马来西亚吉隆坡:车太小、抢来钱也不够装

A lesson in the importance of planning ahead: Two Malaysians stole US$1.3 million but had to leave half of it behind because their van was too small to stash the loot. “The bags are quite big. I consider them quite stupid. Their planning was very shortsighted,” said the deputy police chief, Shakaruddin Che Mood.

凡事都要做好准备,以下故事就是好教训:一对马来西亚窃贼在盗取一百三十万美金之后被迫留下一半,原因是他们事先准备运钞的货车太小、根本装不下这些现钞。后来抓住他们的值班警员说:“他们的包挺大的,我觉得他们实在笨透了,他们的准备也太不充分了!”

沪江小编:那谁说的“不打无准备的仗”,真是好有道理啊!

2. Kemaman, Malaysia: Spirit imprisons burglar for three days

马来西亚登加楼:鬼怪来帮忙、小偷得手也别想出门

Who needs a home alarm when you’ve got a ghoul for security? A Malaysian couple returned from vacation to find a serial burglar lying on their floor, famished, dehydrated and clasping his hands in apology. The criminal insisted that after he broke into the house, a spirit blinded him and would not let him move or scream for 72 hours.

如果你有鬼怪看门、谁还需要门警系统?一对马来西亚夫妇度假归来发现一个连续作案的窃贼躺在他家的地板上,已经饿得奄奄一息、还脱水。这名罪犯后坚称他破门之后被这家人屋里的鬼怪困住、整整72小时不许他动、也不准他叫。

沪江小编:连鬼都看不下去了,可真是天网恢恢、疏而不漏啊!

3. Hubei province, China: Robber flushes diamond rings down the toilet

中国湖北:强盗把到手的钻石冲下马桶

Zhou broke into a wealthy home and found two huge diamond rings. He decided they were too good to be true, so, like anyone with half a brain (yes, only half) he flushed them down the toilet. The robber didn’t realize that the jewels were real until after he was caught. Poor thing was “unable to stop sighing repeatedly.”

这位周姓盗贼闯进一家富人家、发现了两枚巨大钻戒。他当下认定它们太好、看起来不像真的,所以,就如同所有只有半边脑子的人那样(是,只有半边脑子),他把它们冲下了马桶。直到这名盗贼被抓、他才知道这些珠宝都是真的。这可怜的家伙“禁不住不停叹息”。

沪江小编:想这笨贼自己肯定都恨死自己了,别的我们也不用多说。

4. Ningbo, China: Persistent burglar hides under bed for two days

中国宁波:笨贼毅力惊人、藏于床下两天!

Burglar Li is not one to give up easily. He snuck into a woman’s apartment and found nothing of value. So he hid under her bed for two days, surviving on the sole apple in her fridge, until she returned. Li waited until she was asleep, stole her cell and money, and was promptly arrested.

李姓窃贼可不是那种轻易放弃的人。他溜进一间女子的公寓、发现没什么值钱东西。于是他躲藏在房间的床底、靠冰箱里一个苹果撑整整两天。直到主人归来,他才从床底爬出,偷了主人随身带的手机和现金。不过紧跟着就被抓住了。

沪江小编:有如此毅力,背GRE考研究生、你干什么不好、非得干这个?

5. Laohekou, China: Drive-by robber nabs dog poo

中国老河口:飞车贼走了狗屎运

Mrs Chen was waiting to withdraw money when her dog needed to deposit a “number two.” She wrapped up his business in newspaper and was ready to throw it away when two motorcyclists screeched to a halt, wrestled the warm package from her grasp and sped away. Police investigated the case while “laughing at the stupidity of the robbers.”

话说陈女士正准备取钱,她的宠物狗要便便。于是陈女士就顺手拿了报纸包裹起小狗的赃物。正当她要把这堆报纸扔掉,一对飞车贼从旁呼啸而过,将她手里的报纸一把抢走!警察随后抓住了飞贼,并笑得直不起腰来。

沪江小编:这可是实实在在的狗屎运啊!不过运气在警察这边咯。