高出何处有
For the Mountaintop

张晓风
Zhang Xiaofeng

给毕业同学
-- To Students of the Graduating Class

| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》

很久很久以前,在一个很远很远的地方,一位老酋长正病危。
Long, long ago, in a very, very faraway place, a tribal chief found himself terminally ill.

要点
1,《高出何处有》即“哪里是山顶”,可直译为Where to Find the Mountain,此处译为For the Mountaintop,意即“攀登高峰”更加突出了文章的主旨
2,faraway这是个需要注意的词,经常被误用,一般来说, faraway是形容词,做定语或表语.far away是短语,做状语.
如: Many faraway stellar systems can be observed through a space telescope.
借助太空望远镜可以观察到许多离我们很远的恒星系。
Far away, and down near the horizon, the sky began to turn grey.
在遥远的地平线附近,天空开始渐渐变成灰色。
3,“正病危”,“病危”可译为be critically ill be dying,be critically ill; be terminally ill; be at one's last gasp
4,“酋长”可译为tribunal chief

综述:很少出对话体的散文分析,因为它在考试中并不常见,但是这次选定张晓风的这篇文,一是文笔优美,有许多语言现象值得关注,二是这篇短文十分耐人寻味,值得译,更值得读。开头短短的一句,比较容易~

他找来村中最优秀的三个年轻人,对他们说:“这是我要离开你的时候了,我要你们为我做最后一件事。你们三个都有是身强体壮而又智慧过人的好孩子,现在,请你们尽其可能的去攀登那座我们一向奉为神圣的大山。你们要尽其可能爬到最高的、最凌越一切的地方,然后,折回头来告诉我你们的见闻。”
He summoned three most promising young villager to his bedside and said, “As I’m leaving you soon, I hope you can do one thing more for me. Young men, you three are all unusually strong and resourceful, so I’d like you to strive to climb that high mountain which we’ve always been worshipping as a sacred place. Now do your best to reach the topmost and most forbidding part of it and then turn back to tell me about your findings.”

要点
1,“他找来村中最优秀的三个年轻人,对他们说”中的“找来”即“召唤,召集”译为sunmmon或call together
2,” 村中最优秀的三个年轻人”译得很有意思,不是three most promising young of the village 而是译为villager,增加了行文的简洁性
3,to his bedside是增益成分,增强文章的画面感
4,“为我做最后一件事”通常我们会译为 to do the last thing for me,但the last thing 也有“最不愿意干的事”的意思,因此此处译为do one thing more for me
5,“最凌越的”即“最难通过的,最险恶的”,故译为most forbidding part
6,“见闻”可理解为“发现”译为findings

三天后,第一个年轻人回来了,他笑生双靥,衣履犹鲜:“酋长,我到达山顶了,我看到繁花夹道,流泉淙淙,鸟鸣嘤嘤,那地方真不坏啊!”老酋长笑笑说:“孩子,那条路我当年也走过,你说的鸟语花香的地方不是山顶,而是山麓。你回去吧!”
Three days later, the first young man returned smartly dressed and said with smiling face,“Lord, I’ve been to the mountaintop where I saw flowers of all sorts lining both sides of a path, babbling spring water and singing birds. That’s a real nice place.”The old tribal chief replied smilingly,“Son, I’ve been there before. The place with singing birds and fragrant flowers, as you mentioned, is not the mountaintop. It’s the foot of the mountain. Now you can leave.”

要点
1,“笑生双靥,衣履犹鲜”都是表年轻人的状态,分别译为副词或with结构
2,“我看到繁花夹道,流泉淙淙,鸟鸣嘤嘤”即“我看到各种各样的花长在道路两旁,我看到淙淙的流水和鸣唱的鸟儿”,将主谓结构转为偏正
3,“孩子”可译为young man,此处译为son,因英语中年长者用它称呼男孩或年轻男子
4,“山麓”即“山脚”译为the foot of the mountain

一周以后,第二年年轻人也回来了,他神情疲倦,满脸风霜:“酋长,我到达山顶了。我看到高大肃穆的松树林,我看到秃鹰盘旋,那是一个好地方。”“可惜啊!孩子,地不是山顶,那是山腰。不过,也难为你了,你回去吧!”
A week later, the second young man also returned. He looked terribly weary and his face was weather-beaten.“Lord, I’ve been to the mountaintop where I saw groves of tall, solemn pine trees and vultures circling in the air. That’s a real nice place.”“What a pity!” said the tribal chief. “Son, you’ve been halfway up the mountain rather than to its summit. But you had a real tough time. Now you can leave.”

要点
1,“满面风霜”按“饱经风霜”常用于形容经历过种种的艰难困苦生活的磨练,译为weather-beaten(经历过各种天气)
2,“不过,也难为你了”即“你所经历的已经很难了”译为But you had a real tough time

一个月过去了,大家都开始为第三位年轻人的安危担心,他却一步一蹭,衣不蔽体地回来了。他发枯唇燥,只剩下清炯的眼神:
A month later, everybody began to worry about the safety of the third young man. However, he finally showed up, hobbling along in rags. His hair was off-colored and his lips parched, but his eyes were clear and bright.

要点
1,“一步一蹭”即“一瘸一拐”译为hobbling,其同义词有hobble
shuffle shamble stagger wobble,都是表“跛行”的意思;rags一般指“破布,抹布,破衣烂衫”此处in rages即“衣不蔽体”
2,“发枯”即“头发失去光泽”译为off-colored
3,“清炯的眼神”即“清亮的眼神”his eyes were clear and bright.

“酋长,我终于到达山顶。但是,我该怎么说呢?那里只有高风悲旋,蓝天四垂。”
“Lord, I succeeded in reaching the summit. Well, what shall I say to you about it? There was nothing there but the wailing highland wind and the blue sky hanging over the land.”

要点
1,“高风悲旋”= the wailing highland wind,wail意为“哀嚎,痛哭”,这种小词的使用可以大大缩短行文长度,并使文章更加生动,前面的bobble等词,也体现了这点
2,“蓝天四垂”可按“蓝天笼罩大地”,译为the blue sky hanging over the land.

综述
这几段的亮点都在于四字词的使用和翻译上,注意小词的积累和使用~

“你难道在那里一无所见吗?难道连蝴蝶也没有一只吗?”
“So you saw nothing at all? Not even a butterfly?”

“是的,酋长,高处一无所有。你所能看到的,只有你自己,只有‘个人’被放在天地间的渺小感,只有想起千古英雄的悲激心情。”
“No, lord, nothing. All you can see is yourself. You feel how insignificant you are in this infinite universe and how sorrowful and agitated you are at the thought of heroes through the ages.”

要点
1,“只有‘个人’被放在天地间的渺小感”其中“渺小感”这个词不容易译出,因此译者转换说法,将其译为“你会感到自己在无限的宇宙里有多么渺小”即You feel how insignificant you are in this infinite universe下句的“想起千古英雄的悲激心情”也是采取了同样的策略
2,“千古英雄”可按“历代英雄们”理解,译为heroes through the ages.,其中through all / the ages是出镜率比较高的一个词了,可做状语,如Through the ages, Earth mother has nurtured the innumerable generation of descendants with the sweet milk.古往今来,地球妈妈用甘甜的乳汁哺育了无数代子孙。

综述
转换词性或句子成分,是翻译常用方法~必备技能~

“孩子,你到的是真的山顶。按照我们的传统,天意要立你做新酋长,祝福你。”
“Son, you’ve reached the real mountaintop. According to our tradition, you’ll undoubtedly be made our new tribal chief. My best wishes to you.”

真英雄何所遇?他遇到的是全身的伤痕,是孤单的长途,以及越来越真切的渺小感。

What makes a real hero? A real hero has cuts and bruises all over his body, he is all alone on a long journey and he feels with increasing sincerity how small he is.

要点
1,“真英雄何所遇?”即“怎样才能造就一个真英雄呢?”译为What makes a real hero?
2,“他遇到的是全身的伤痕,是孤单的长途,以及越来越真切的渺小感。”中文有时习惯用一个动词带起一串宾语,在我们来看很好理解,但是对于外国人来说就比较抽象了,很难体会到其中的意思,因此翻译时要把“遇到”具体化,即“他遍体鳞伤,孤独地行走在长长的旅途上,并越来越真切地感到自己有多么渺小”,译为A real hero has cuts and bruises all over his body, he is all alone on a long journey and he feels with increasing sincerity how small he is.

综述:最后一句的翻译值得注意,它是一个译者的翻译意识的体现~

声明:本双语文章的中文评析系沪江英语原创内容,转载请注明出处。中文评析仅代表作者个人观点,如有不妥之处,欢迎指正。