张培基英译散文赏析之《黎明的眼睛》
作者:沪江英语|2017年10月12日 13:17
  • 双语
  • 中文
  • 英语

黎明的眼睛
The Window Duanmu Hongliang

端木蕻良
Duanmu Hongliang

| 译文摘自张培基《英译中国散文选二》

三月清晨,把窗子推开,第一片阳光便飞到人们的全身,对着阳光带进来的新鲜空气,任谁都要深吸一口,说春天来了!就这样,春天从窗口走近了我们。但是,可不要忘记,不是从有房子那天起,我们就有窗子的呢!
When you throw open your window on an early morning in March, you will at once be totally exposed to the sun’s first rays and, inhaling deeply of the fresh air brought in by them, exclaim, “Spring is here!”Yes, it is through the window that spring manages to approach us.But don’t forget that not all houses have been windowed ever since man first began to build them.

要点
1,“把窗子推开”可译为throw open your window,或open your window,但前者更加传神~
2,“第一片阳光便飞到人们的全身”并未直译,而是按“使你立即接触到黎明的光芒”译为you will at once be totally exposed to the sun’s first rays
3,“春天来了”即“春天已经在这里了”切记不要译为Spring is coming(春天将要到来)
4,“不是从有房子那天起,我们就有窗子的呢“译为not all houses have been windowed ever since man first began to build them.have been windowed =have had a window 之前在《西欧的夏天》中我们也曾见过类似用法:译者将” 西欧的旅馆和汽车,例皆不备冷气“译为Hotels and cars in Western Europe are usually not air-conditioned

综述
本篇文章语言优美洗练,看似基础但要译得传神并不容易,自己先翻一遍,之后和张爷爷的进行对比,就能看出这篇文章的精彩~

我们的兄弟,爱斯基摩人用冰块建筑的房子,像个白玉的钟罩一般,是没有什么窗子的,过去的鄂伦春兄弟们住的”神仙柱”,因为没有屋顶,在屋里,到晚上可以看到头上的月亮和星光,也就无须开窗子了。
Our Eskimo brothers’ houses, built of large blocks of frozen snow and shaped like white-jade clock covers, have no windows at all. Our Oroqen brothers used to live in roofless houses with no need for windows because they could in the evening enjoy the moon and stars overhead indoors.

要点
1,“冰块“应译为large blocks of frozen snow,而非block of ice,因为爱斯基摩人用的是硬雪块建造房屋,而不是单纯的冰块,所以做翻译知识面要广,做一个”知道分子“~
2,“过去的鄂伦春兄弟们住的‘神仙柱’”转换主语,即“鄂伦春兄弟们过去住在‘神仙柱’里”译为Our Oroqen brothers used to live in roofless houses,一是体现句式的灵活性,二是串联句子的需要,因为后面“抬头看星光和月亮”的主语是” 鄂伦春兄弟们”而非“神仙柱”
3,“过去的鄂伦春兄弟们住的”神仙柱”,因为没有屋顶,在屋里,到晚上可以看到头上的月亮和星光,也就无须开窗子了”这句话零碎较多,整合意思为“鄂伦春兄弟们过去住在没有屋顶的‘神仙柱’里,根本没有必要开窗,因为他们抬头就能看到星星和月亮”

综述:本段句式较散,注意整合句意

最早的人类山顶洞人走下山来,不知住过多少代,才懂得造个窝儿的时候,他们也只会模仿岩洞,把地挖个半截坑,上面再搭上个顶篷。至于窗子,就谈不上了。房墙上开窗子是后来的事。随着窗子的开凿和扩大,人类文明的曙光也随着扩大。
Man’s ancestors had been cave-dwellers before they left their mountains to settle on the plain. It was not until countless generations later that they began to build dwellings patterned after a cave--- with an awning over a shallow pit in the ground. There was no window to speak of.Making a window in the wall was a much later invention. As the popularity of windows grew, so did the civilization of man develop.

要点
1,“最早的人类山顶洞人走下山来,”译者按“人类的祖先在从山上移居到平原之前是住在洞穴里的”译为Man’s ancestors had been cave-dwellers before they left their mountains to settle on the plain,不得不说张爷爷的这个意思选的很巧,把这样平铺直叙的一句话译成有逻辑的一个句子,是值得我们学习的
2,“不知住过多少代,才懂得造个窝儿的时候,他们也只会模仿岩洞,把地挖个半截坑,上面再搭上个顶篷”也是需要整合意思而后译的,只有中文顺畅,译为英语的时候才会顺畅
3,no…to speak of=to say nothing of ;not to mention 意为“更不必说,何况“
4,“房墙上开窗子是后来的事“译为Making a window in the wall was a much later invention.也可直译为Opening a window in the wall was something that took place much later, 但明显不如前者简练
5,“随着窗子的开凿和扩大,人类文明的曙光也随着扩大。”译者采用意译法,译为As the popularity of windows grew, so did the civilization of man develop.句式简洁,倒装句是我们翻译“也”的常用句式

综述:注意本段的合译和倒装~

窗子,自从它出现的那天起,它就成为阳光的眼睛,空气的港口,成了自然和社会的纽带。随着时间流逝,层楼的加多,窗子也越来越多了。看到高层的建筑,就会惊叹窗子是房屋最鲜明的象征。没有窗子的房子,几乎也就没法把它唤作屋子了。有谁未曾享受过开窗的喜悦呢?打开窗子,突然见到青山闯了进来,打开窗子,看到柳色的清新,小燕的飞来……
The window, ever since its birth, has been an entrance to sunlight, a port for taking in fresh air, and a tie between nature and human society.With the passage of time and increase of tall buildings, more and more windows have appeared. Now, at the sight of a multi-storey building, one cannot help exclaiming at how the window is so symbolic of the house. Without a window, a house could hardly be called as such.Who hasn’t experienced great delight in opening a window? The moment you open it, you will be immediately struck by imposing blue mountains, fresh green willows, little swallows flying towards you…

要点
1,“看到高层的建筑,就会惊叹窗子是房屋最鲜明的象征。”译为Now, at the sight of a multi-storey building, one cannot help exclaiming at how the window is so symbolic of the house.how 句加强了惊叹的语气
2,as such
3,” 突然见到青山闯了进来”译为you will be immediately struck by imposing blue mountains,“突然看到”译为be struck by 突出动作感,惊喜之情油然而生~

综述:这三段较简单,译者的选词和句式变换是点睛之笔

窗子开了,用不着打招呼,新的空气就会猛扑进来。当然,随之而来的,也有风沙飞入屋中,还有,眼睛看不到的微尘,还有很难发觉的细菌,有的是出面拜访,有的是偷偷地混了进来……从古到今多少诗人先赞美过窗子,多少歌手歌唱过窗子,多少情人的眼睛凝望过窗子……
Open the window, and fresh air will break in upon your room.Of course, grains of sand will simultaneously be brought in too. So will invisible dust particles and bacteria, either openly or surreptitiously…From ancient times to the present, innumerable poets have sung their praises of the window, innumerable singers have extolled it, innumerable lovers have fixed their dreamy eyes on it…

要点
1,“窗子开了,用不着打招呼,新的空气就会猛扑进来。”译为Open the window, and fresh air will break in upon your room.其中“猛扑进来”即“闯入”译为break in (on/upon)
2,“风沙”在此指“砂砾”故译grains of sand,“微尘”即“微尘颗粒”,译为dust particles
3,“ 多少诗人”即“无数诗人”,译为innumerable poets
4,“多少情人的眼睛凝望过窗子”译为innumerable lovers have fixed their dreamy eyes on it…dreamy 是增益成分,意为“出神的”

窗子的变化,是值得人们考察一番的。小小的窗子,几乎可以说,是文明的眼睛。在今后的日子里,窗子的变化会更加多种多样了。窗子的玻璃会随着时钟,自动调和射进室内的光线,窗子会随着明暗变换颜色,窗框上装有循环水,它可以为居室的主人带走很多他发觉不到的天敌,又可以送进来他需要而又不易到的芳香和养分……
The evolution of the window is worthy of our study. Small as it is, the window has opened man’s eyes to civilization. In the days to come, its changes will become even more manifold.The window pane will, alone with the tick-tick of the clock, automatically regulate light stream into the room and change its own color according to interior illumination. The window frame will be filled with circulatory water to remove things harmful to the resident without his knowledge and carry him fragrance and nutrients which he much needs but are otherwise hard for him to get.

要点
1,“变化“即”演化“,译为evolution
2,” 窗子的玻璃会随着时钟,自动调和射进室内的光线…”译为The window pane will, alone with the tick-tick of the clock, automatically regulate light stream into the room and change its own color according to interior illumination.“随着时钟“即“随着时钟的变化”,译者增译拟声词tick-tick来表示时钟的变动
3,otherwise是增益成分,用于加强语气

有的窗子不需开合,便能做到通风透光,它还可以把你不愿听到的声音关到外边,但是悦耳的琴声,它是不会阻拦的……打开窗子吧!现在开窗子就不光是为了迎进阳光、空气,或者远眺青山的青、新柳的绿、燕子飞来的掠影,……而是迎接一个新的世纪!
Some windows will ensure good ventilation and transparency without manual manipulation. They will keep out disturbing noises and let in sweet music.Let’s open the window! Open it not just to let in sunlight and air or to get a distant view of blue mountains, fresh green willows and swallows in flight…, but, more importantly, to usher in a new century!

要点
1,”不需开合“即“不需手动操作”译为without manual manipulation.意思扩大化可以使句子更加简洁
2,“而是迎接一个新的世纪”译为but, more importantly, to usher in a new century!其中,more importantly是译文中的增译成分,用以加强语气~

综述:本文文笔优美,句式大多比较基本,但抒情成分较多,注意译者是怎样通过增词或变换句式来表达作者情感的

声明:本双语文章的中文评析系沪江英语原创内容,转载请注明出处。中文评析仅代表作者个人观点,如有不妥之处,欢迎指正。

相关热点: 英语资料《张培基英译散文选》赏析CATTI主题口译暮光之城

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