首先看一看这篇邮件请找出其中的问题,然后试着改一改呢~

From: Henry.Lim@presto.co.my

Date: 25:7:1-16:06:29

To: shirley@shirleytaylortraining.com

CC:

Subject: HELLO!!!

 

hi Shirley

Hope things r well with u, its good 2 know that u will be back in malaysia again in nov to hold your seminar on effective biz writing. PLS LET ME HAVE SOME FREE DATE while u r over here. Some bookstores r interested in a talk cum singing event. I hope u will agree to take part.

tnks & rgs

Harry

 

下面,试着指出其中的问题并改写~

 

Subject: HELLO[a1] !!!

hi [a2] Shirley

Hope things [a3] well with u, its [a4] good 2 know that u will be back in malaysia again in nov [a5] to hold your seminar on effective biz writing. PLS [a6] LET ME HAVE SOME FREE DATE while u r over here. Some bookstores r interested in a talk cum [a7] singing [a8] event. I hope u will agree to take part.

tnks [a9] & rgs

Harry

 [a1]主题尽量用5个左右的词来总结写信的目的,要求的行动之类的内容。不要用没有意义的词,也不要全大写,更不要使用过多标点。

 [a2]一定注意开头大写。此外,专有词语的大写也要注意,如国家名。

 [a3]可以用于短信,商务类邮件不应使用。一般性词汇请勿缩写或简写。除非是双方已知的专有名词。

 [a4]Its 和it is 是有区别的。 [a5]如果不是指日期,最好不要缩写。

 [a6]用很多大写有一种大喊大叫之感,木有礼貌。 [a7]Cum 连词,意指“和、及”

 [a8]写错。应是signing。  [a9]Thanks and regards

Subject: Free Date in Malaysia

Hi Shirley

Hope things are well with you, it’s good to know that you will be back in Malaysia again in November to hold your seminar on Effective Business Writing. Please let me have some free date while you are over here.

By the way, some bookstores are interested in a talk and signing event. I hope you will agree to take part.

Thanks and regards
Harry

 

最后
来看看Shirley的改写
 

Subject: Book signing in Malaysia

(注:标题需要依据的Smart 原则——Specific 具体/Meaningful 有意义/Appropriate 恰当/Relevant 相关Thoughtful 体贴周到)

Hi Shirley/Hello Shirley


I hope things are well with you.

I was pleased to hear that you will be back in Malaysia again in November to hold your seminar on Effective Business Writing.

Some bookstores are interested in asking you to do a talk and signing event. I hope you will agree to take part.

Please let me have some free dates while you are over here. And I will make all the arrangements.

 

See you soon.(注:使用恰当的结束语Complimentary close;regards指“致以问候”,稍显乏味)

Harry                                                                                                                               

 

对于相关内容有疑问或意见的请留言哦~
 

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