贡献：国内大学英语考试辅导专家，恩波四六级核心教师。多年担任四六级及考研阅卷组组长，具有丰富的考试辅导经验。在教学上精益求精，激情洋溢，有高度的责任心，所教学生一次性过关率极高。现已出版多部英语专著，“黄金模板”系列更居同类图书榜首。在苏、浙、沪等地多所大学主持英语四六级讲座及授课，深受学生欢迎。恩波学校六级网站版主，第一位在网上为全国学生免费批改作文的老师，也是目前全国批改作文最多的老师。


贡献范文精析之二 我是一个为写作而痴狂的人！
这是第二篇作文了，早该贴出来了，我这学期真得很忙，没办法。本来想跟恩波提能否给我个人一个写作版（包括范文精析、习作点评和写作心得）与大家一起谈论写作，但关键是我保证不了时间，因我在学校主持十个博士写作版之一就花了大量时间（因我的版上人最多，文章也最多，如果有同学喜欢，我可以贴点我在论坛上的作品，主题是relationship），还有许多其它的事，否则我真得会说，真得会多来这里。
我很喜欢John Wooden的一句话: Make each day your masterpiece. 送给大家。如果大家觉得有帮助的话请给点鼓励。

Living with Parents in Canada

Directions:
Study the following table carefully and write an essay entitled “Living with Parents in Canada”.
In the essay you should
1) describe the table,
2) explain the patterns illustrated in the table, and
3) make comments.
You should write about 200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET TWO.

Percent living with parents (Canada)
Unmarried Married
TOTAL Age 20-24 Age 25-29 Age 30-34 TOTAL Age 20-24 Age 25-29 Age 30-34
Women 47% 67% 36% 19% 3% 7% 4% 2%
Men 56% 74% 48% 32% 4% 9% 5% 3%
[原稿]
The table shows a clear pattern of the percentage of unmarried and married people living with their parents. First, unmarried people are more likely to live with their parents than married people at all ages. Second, men are more likely to live with their parents, no matter whether they are married or not.
Unmarried people not only include never-married, but also divorced, separated or widowed people. Without a partner at side or even having experienced what is heartbreaking, they are apt to feel lonely and somewhat be forgotten or deserted, so they often resort to coming back home to reunite with parents. The fact that men are more likely to stay home is probably because they occupy a relatively more important role in the society, women are in a sense clung to her husband’s clan.
When people are older, they become more mature and experienced. It’s more and more likely to take on the sense of independence, thus less and less possible to remain at home and refuse to leave. Yet the most abrupt contrast still lies in the two groups, showing that once married, it is nearly certain for the couple to stay together on their own, which signals a relatively independent society in which people can speak and act according to what they like to do.

[修改稿]
The table shows a clear pattern of the percentage of unmarried and married people living with their parents in Canada. First, unmarried people are more likely to live with their parents than married people at all ages. Second, men are more likely to live with their parents, no matter whether they are married or not. Third, when people grow older, they are less likely to do so.
Unmarried people not only include never-married, but also divorced, separated and widowed people. Without a partner at side or even having gone through heartbreaking experiences, they are apt to feel lonely and somewhat forgotten or deserted, so they often resort to coming back home to reunite with parents. The fact that men are more likely to be closely connected with their parents is probably because they occupy a relatively more important role in the society, and women, in a sense, cling to her husband’s clan.
When people are older, they become more mature and experienced. It’s more and more likely to take on the sense of independence, thus less and less possible to remain at home and refuse to leave. Yet the most abrupt contrast still lies in the two groups, showing that once married, it is nearly certain for the couple to stay together on their own, which signals a relatively independent society in which people can speak and act according to what they choose to.

[点评]
这又是一道相当典型的表格题。原文分为三段：第一段描述图表，发现其中的规律；第二段做出解释；第三段发表评论。
1． 第一段描述图表，作者使用的句型很简洁，但很有效。可惜作者只写出了两个规律，而遗忘了或许是最简单的一个——随着年龄的增长，与父母同住的比例越来越小。实际上从后文可看出，作者对这一点很清楚，只是在这里疏忽了。
2． 第二段首先说没有结婚的人——这些人不仅包括从未结过婚的人，还包括离婚者、分居者和丧偶者。他们内心更需要慰藉，所以与父母同住的比例高。这里有两个词组用得不错——be apt to（易于）和resort to doing sth.（诉诸）。第二句中将“男人更爱与父母同住”说成“男人爱居家”不妥，为避免重复可改为“与父母有紧密的联系”。而后说“女性在某种意义上说附属于男人的家族”，在women前要加and，否则错误；in a sense显得客观，用得不错；cling表示“依附”，是不及物动词，应将be clung to改为cling to。
3． 最后一段分两句。第一句说年龄越大独立感就越强。第二句分析了一旦结婚，与父母分开住这种现象很多的原因。后面一句是长句，我们要学习的就是把有联系的意群有条理地安排在复合句中。

[文后点评及六级考试预测]
我个人认为，九月的六级作文一出，六级作文在12月27日考图表作文的可能性已非常之大了。但是与考研不同，六级作文不大可能在此次介入漫画或照片，而是仍考察chart或table，且越来越向一些更高级的考试靠拢（不展开讲，大家体会一下，且六级作文考试不必紧扣时事），所以今天特意选了一个更靠近9月而非6月的题目，请大家练习。
大家要熟悉图表作文的结构安排和发展，把握图表作文的内涵和本质，因为其实是相当有规律的。
出图表作文在某种意义上是为了避免猜题——即使你猜中了文章主题，也未必能在第一部分中描述好图表，而这一部分是不能缺少的。
关于图表作文的结构规律，因我已经写过，在此不再赘述了。
大家一定要多练习，最好获得老师的指导和批改，这样才能提高。原则上一个人的写作水平一分钟就可以看出来了。
祝大家成功！