《英文天天写》是沪江部落一档写作类节目，其目的在于提升大家的英语写作能力。每期节目主持人都会给出一个话题，积极参加的童鞋还会得到主持人的专业点评哦！想提高英语写作的童鞋千万不要错过哦！去沪江部落订阅本节目！

背景介绍：

想像你经过不懈的奋斗终于成为了一位单身的、帅气的亿万富豪、商界巨子。某天，你邀请了初恋女友（现已为他人妇）参观你的豪宅。这时，你还是想千方百计地再把她追到手，毕竟对于以前由于家境贫寒、远隔千里之外而分手而心有不甘。而女主则对这位前男友也心存一丝暧昧之情。

话题：

写一写在带她参观豪宅的时候，二个人的内心活动是怎么样的、外在表现又是怎样的？

男同学可以着重写一下男主的内心活动。女同学可以着重写一下女主的内心活动。

学霸、写霸们可以两者都着重一下。

范例1：

关于内心活动的作文，是大部分同学的弱项，因为我们都习惯了去写什么Argument, Analysis, Criticism, Trend, Report之类的”外向型“的作文，不过有时候还是要眼光“向内”，写一下我们自己的内心活动。

今天节选Francis Scott Fitzgerald‘s ”The Great Gatsby“ Chapter 5, Gatsby邀请他的初恋Daisy参观自己豪宅的片段，我们重点阅读和学习一下大师是如何写的。
Context:

我是一个普通单身男人，正巧住在Gatsby豪宅的隔壁。某天，Daisy应邀访问我家，Gatsby知道后，专门派人帮我家剪草坪，布置客厅的花，甚至还把他家的芬兰佣人连带一些小吃和茶送到我家来专门服侍这次会见。可见Gatsby对能再次见到Daisy真的是煞费苦心。

小说里是从我的角度来写Gatsby, Daisy以及其他人的故事的，所以，Gatsby的人称是He。高亮部分是描写人物内心活动的部分，重点关注!
好了，好戏开始了。先是发生在我家的情况：

Gatsby, his hands still in his pockets, was reclining against the mantelpiece in a strained counterfeit of perfect ease, even of boredom. (脸上挂着一副过于闲适惬意的样子，以至于显得有些无精打采。和初恋相见内心真的是闲适惬意的吗？后面会慢慢揭晓。）His head leaned back so far that it rested against the face of a defunct mantelpiece clock and from this position his distraught eyes stared down at Daisy (他一副心神不宁的样子，低着头盯着黛西。见到初恋还是心神不宁的，尽管腰缠万贯）who was sitting frightened but graceful on the edge of a stiff chair. （女主是什么状态？有些惶恐地坐在一把硬背椅子边儿上，继续保持着优雅的姿态。没想到在这里遇到了他？！stiff虽然是形容chair，但是女主见到Gatsby的时候恐怕内心也是stiff的）。

"We've met before," muttered Gatsby. His eyes glanced momentarily at me and his lips parted with an abortive attempt at a laugh. （Gatsby小声说道，然后朝我的方向看了一眼，张了张嘴，一抹笑容僵在嘴边。这已经是告诉我了，好好当好电灯泡）。Luckily the clock took this moment to tilt dangerously at the pressure of his head, whereupon he turned and caught it with trembling fingers and set it back in place（通过颤颤巍巍的手去扶座钟来表现Gatsby的紧张，这也说明他闲适惬意的表现不是真实的）. Then he sat down, rigidly, his elbow on the arm of the sofa and his chin in his hand. (一般情况下，男生见到初恋的时候是不是都是这样的表情的？）

"I'm sorry about the clock," he said. （Gatsby逐步走向正常，这里就用的是said，而不是上面的muttered了）

My own face had now assumed a deep tropical burn. (我的脸也憋得通红) I couldn't muster up a single commonplace out of the thousand in my head. （尽管我的脑海里浮现出几千句得体的客套话，但现在我是一句也说不出来。做个合格的电灯泡确实很难）

"It's an old clock," I told them idiotically. (呆呆地蹦出这么一句)

I think we all believed for a moment that it had smashed in pieces on the floor. (我想肯定有那么一瞬间我们三个都以为那座钟已经掉下来摔得粉碎了。美国式的幽默）

”We haven't met for many years," said Daisy, her voice as matter-of-fact as it could ever be. (Daisy尽量控制自己的声音说。女主终于发话了,尽管略显僵硬，但是并没有把Gatsby拒之于千里之外。Gatsby显然是受到了鼓舞，下面他接的话真是震惊四座）

"Five years next November." (Gatsby表达的意思是这么长时间我都是在想念着你！不仅仅是这么长时间没见面)

The automatic quality of Gatsby's answer set us all back at least another minute. (Gatsby没经过思考便脱口答道，他的回答让我们大家有楞了将近一分钟。大家都清楚了这个会面也许不是见面这么简单）I had them both on their feet with the desperate suggestion that they help me make tea in the kitchen when the demonic Finn brought it in on a tray. (为了缓解尴尬，我马上想到让他们到厨房去帮我准备茶，他俩听了我的建议马上从位子上站了起来，而就在这时，我的芬兰女佣人如魔鬼般刚好端着托盘把茶送到客厅里。好建议，虽然没成功，但是为后来Gatsby和Daisy独处埋下了伏笔。作者一句话内用2个从句把很多事情写得简简单单。）

Amid the welcome confusion of cups and cakes a certain physical decency established themselves. (在这阵及时的忙乱中，一切又重新恢复了正常。此处，作者的笔力惊人啊。简单的一句一个回合就结束了，又准备下一个高潮了) Gatsby got himself into a shadow and while Daisy and I talked looked conscientiously from one to the other of us with tense unhappy eyes. (Daisy是到我家做客的，当然我们要好好聊聊。你看我们在聊的时候Gatsby的脸色如何？Gatsby便紧张而凄楚地盯着我们，眼光从我们两人身上移来移去）However, as calmness wasn't an end in itself I made an excuse at the first possible moment and got to my feet. (然而，安排这场下午茶的目的并不是寻求此刻的平静，于是我不断寻找机会，想个措辞就离开。小伙子有眼力劲。这里作者用一个However就引出了下一段变化）

“Where are you going?" demanded Gatsby in immediate alarm. （变得惊慌失措）

"I'll be back."

"I've got to speak to you about something before you go."

He followed me wildly into the kitchen, closed the door and whispered: "Oh, God!" in a miserable way.

"What's the matter."

"This is a terrible mistake," he said, shaking his head from side to side, "a terrible, terrible mistake." (Gatsby此时还是没有自信）

”You're just embarrassed, that's all," and luckily I added: "Daisy's embarrassed too." (这哥们儿说了关键的一个情况，’Daisy也是害羞的’，有害羞就是还有些想法，不害羞就没戏了）

“She's embarrassed?" he repeated incredulously.

"Just as much as you are."

"Don't talk so loud." (Gatsby被打了鸡血）

"You're acting like a little boy," I broke out impatiently. "Not only that but you're rude. Daisy's sitting in there all alone." (Daisy孤零零的坐在那儿，你还不去陪她？多善解人意的电灯泡啊！）

He raised his hand to stop my words, looked at me with unforgettable reproach and opening the door cautiously went back into the other room. (满脸哀怨的瞪了我一眼便颤颤巍巍的开门重新回客厅去了。经过了一番凌乱的初见，终于Gatsby和Daisy单独会面了。这个过程作者写得自然、得体又不失幽默)
。。。此处略去。。。字，主要写我在外面逛的所见所想。。。

I went in - after making every possible noise in the kitchen, short of pushing over the stove (尽量发出大动静，就差没掀炉灶了)- but I don't believe they heard a sound. (美式幽默) They were sitting at either end of the couch looking at each other as if some question had been asked, or was in the air, and every vestige of embarrassment was gone. (好像询问了一些问题，抑或有些问题没说出口，屋子里没有了一开始的尴尬气氛。先写气氛，再写各自人物的内心活动和状态，这是写作的一个不二法门）Daisy's face was smeared with tears, and when I came in she jumped up and began wiping at it with her handkerchief before a mirror. (Daisy的脸上布满泪痕)

But there was a change in Gatsby that was simply confounding. (然而和Daisy不同，Gatsby却和之前有了极为明显的变化。在写2个人的表情的时候，最好用对比连接，这也是不二法门）He literally glowed;without a word or a gesture of exultation a new well-being radiated from him and filled the little room. (他现在可以说是闪耀这耀眼的光芒。尽管他没说出什么表达此刻内心喜悦的话语，但他的周围，都洋溢着一种从未见过的幸福感，将这件不大的房间充盈的满满的。男人在时隔多年又将重新得到自己心爱女人的时候的一个特殊的表现－ 光芒！而女人的表现呢？－泪水！）

"It stopped raining."

"Has it?" When he realized what I was talking about, that there were twinkle-bells of sunshine in the room, he smiled like a weather man, like a ecstatic patron of recurrent light, and repeated the news to Daisy. "What do you think of that?It stopped raining." （他听清楚我说的意思，发现阳光已经透过窗子照进了客厅，他立刻像天气预报员一样，又或是刚刚从因语种回到光明，重新受到神的庇佑一样，脸上露出一抹笑容。。。气氛和内心活动结合的多好！更加强调他周身散发出的光芒）
“I‘m glad, Jay." Her throat, full of aching, grieving beauty, told only of her unexpected joy. (虽然她的声音听起来哀婉动听，但流露出的只有发自内心的喜悦。说了男主，这时候是说女主的情况了。现在她已经没有frightened， stiff，而是joy略带些哀婉)

"I want you and Daisy to come over to my house," he said, "I'd like to show her around." (男主、女主说完，我怎么办呢？电灯泡继续当下去！)
。。。此处省略Daisy上楼补妆的时候我和Gatsby关于如何他如何挣钱买下豪宅的对话。。。

Before I could answer, Daisy came out of the house and two rows of brass buttons on her dress gleamed in the sunlight. (到处都是光芒。不断地在各种情况下烘托气氛，也是写作的不二法门）。

”That huge place there?" she cried pointing. (你是住在那边的大房子里吗？)

"Do you like it?"

"I love it, but I don't see how you live there all alone."

"I keep it always full of interesting people, night and day. People who do interesting things. Celebrated people." (豪宅还需名人相配，才显出不只是个土豪)
。。。此处略去他们在路上的所见的城堡漂亮的轮廓，以及路边漂亮的各种花和鸟的叫声。。。大家可以读一读。。。这也是在烘托男主和女主内心高兴的气氛。

。。。进豪宅了。。。

And inside, as we wandered through Marie Antoinette music rooms and Restoration salons, I felt that there were guests concealed behind every couch and table, under orders to be breathlessly silent until we had passed through. As Gatsby closed the door of "the Merton College Library" I could have sworn I heard the owl-eyed man break into ghostly laughter. (豪宅要有名人相配才能显出男主、女主的身份和地位.看看作者是如何体现出名人的？用比喻! 这也是写作的不二法门, 看看这几段作者用了多少like, as if, feel)

We went upstairs, through period bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender silk and vivid with new flowers, through dressing rooms and poolrooms, and bathrooms with sunken baths - intruding into one chamber where a dishevelled man in pajamas was doing liver exercise on the floor. It was Mr. Klipspringer, the "boarder." I had seen him wandering hungrily about the beach that morning. Finally, we came to Gatsby's apartment, a bedroom and a bath and an Adam study, where we sat down and drank a glass of some Charteuse he took from a cupboard in the wall. (参观完了豪宅，落定，下面是一些内心活动了。）

He hadn't ceased looking at Daisy and I think he revalued everything in his house according to the measure of response it drew from her well-loved eyes. Sometimes, too, he stared around at his possessions in a dazed way as though in her actual and astounding presence none of it was any longer real. Once he nearly toppled down a flight of stairs.(在我们参观房子的时候，他片刻不离地在Daisy旁边，眼睛更是没有从她身上离开。因此，我猜想他已经根据Daisy眼中的反应把这栋房子里的所有东西重新一一估价。有时候，他也会有些迷茫地看着屋里的摆设，仿佛在真人Daisy的面前，周围所有的一切都变得暗淡无光甚至变得虚幻、不真实了。作者是怎么体现出Gatsby对Daisy的喜爱之情的？－简单直接：眼光一直不停得在Daisy身上，并且按照Daisy的喜好为自己家里的东西重新估值。看到Daisy非常喜欢自己的豪宅，Gatsby有些如释重负的感觉。)

His bedroom was the simplest room of all - except where the dresser was garnished with toilet set of pure dull gold. Daisy took the brush with delight and smoothed her hair, whereupon Gatsby sat down and shaded his eyes and began to laugh.

"It's the funniest thing, old sport," he said hilariously. "I can't -when I try to -" (从Daisy的delight， hilariously来看，她已经非常喜欢这里，甚至有些迫不及待了.)

He had passed visibly through two states and was entering upon a third. After his embarrassment and his unreasoning joy he was consumed with wonder at her presence. He had been full of the idea so long dreamed it right through to the end, waited with his teeth set, so to speak, at an inconceivable pitch of intensity. Now, in the reaction, he was running down like an overwound clock. （很明显，他已经经过了两种精神状态，现在开始进入第三个阶段。他从最开始的紧张与不安，到后来的欣喜若狂，而现在他又因为终于见到了她而激动惊讶到不能自己了。眼前的景象是他多年的梦想，每一天都幻想着，在期待与失落中过日子，他的感情已经强烈到常人无法理解的程度。眼下，那股强烈的感情却使他沉寂了下来，因为他已经和一个法条上得太紧的时钟一样，在放松下来的那刻变马上精疲力尽了。这一段总结Gatsby的内心活动写得极好。为什么作者之前强调了’His bedroom was the simplest room'? -更加强调Daisy对豪宅的喜欢，最简朴的房间都delight，其他的不是更不用说了吗？这也是写作的不二法门：用对比，强烈的对比。看来，见到初恋，除了光芒，还是有精神上精疲力尽的时候啊）。
。。。后面还有一些参观豪宅的文字。这里就不欣赏了。大家可以读一读。看看大师是怎么写的。。。阅读的时候，把自己放到那个情景里，想想我在那个情况下，我会什么样的内心活动，如何表达？
 

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