四六级备考月写作大作战范文赏析
六级作文题目：
Directions: For thispart, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay commenting on the remark “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”. You can cite examples to illustrate your point. You should write at least 150 words but no more than 200 words.
沪友六级作文：
沪友ID：ymde11
The importance of success
As is known to all, it si of great difficulty to obtain success in our life, especially in the times of knowledge and high-technology exploration Although some contend that success can be decided by a good luck the majority of people believe that when people succeed, it is because of hard work ,luck has nothing to do with success.
There is no doubt that hard work take a significantly important part to success rather then fortune. The first and obvious reason is that every man is the architect of his own fortune. No one can require success without hard work. The reason second important reason should be considered that luck is not a certain factor in our life, to some extent, depending on luck indicates a lack of our skills and abilities. Last but not least success success favors those who use their diligence only by a diligent and hard process can we hope witness the ideal scene that we enjoy our success.
From my perspective, if we want to succeed, it is no choice but to hard work. Just like a old Chinese proverb says, hard work in yourself is the first step on the road to success. Therefore I insist that diligence can bring luck rather than waiting luck. We should pay our attention to hard work so that we can succeed and embrace a better tomorrow.
评分：10分
评语：切题，思路清楚，用词和句式较丰富，能运用较多的复合句式和谚语等来使论证更有说服力，但是基本语法错误略多，不然可以成为最佳。如第一段有少了标点符号；拼写错误it si（it is），rather then（rather than），a (an) old Chinese proverb等；短语waiting luck（wait for sth.），require success（acquire success），还有一些句式的规范，it is no choice（there is no choice but to…）。此外字数有点超过上限200字。
沪友ID：arashi0123
The Key to Succeed
Many people hold a thought that luck can lead to succeed. However, I do not agree with that. I deeply believe that luck may gives you a chance but the key to succeed must be hard working.
I totally agree a saying goes “Whenpeople succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success". Only a person works hard, can he succeed. For example, many college students do not study hard but hope themselves lucky enough to pass the final exam. This reminds me my rommate Kim. In a whole term, she do not preview before class or review after class so that she merely cannot answer others about what she have learnt. When final exam comes, she make a blessing for luck. Finally, she failed the exam. Therefore, luck could not help you but hard working is the most important thing for seccess.
All in all, success depends on how much efforts you have made. If you wanna succeed, you should keep hard working.
评分：9分
评语：切题，思路清晰，文字较通顺，有一些基本语言错误。特别注意三单形式和时态，luck may gives（give） you，情态动词后面加动词原形；第二段引用Kim例子时应该用过去式，she do not 和she make错误；正确运用短语agree（agree with sth.），remind（remind sb. of sth./sb.）。
沪友ID：阿青linda
优秀范文：The key to success
As a saying goes "when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. "In other words, hard work is more important than luck in the successful way. Simple as the sentence may sound, it conveys a thought-provoking notion that the key to success lies on hard work.
The example of Edision, who was known as a diligent scientist, is a case in point. To invent the electric lamp, he devoted himself to working day and night for a long time. Have Suffered from enormous fatigue, he never gave up. Then he finally achieved his goal. Thanks to the effort of Edision, we now can make full use of electricity very well. At the same time, he also set a good example for us in attaining success.
In short, hard work is essential if we desire to gain success. Only in this way can we have a successful future.
评分：12分
评语：切题，表达思想清楚，文字通顺，基本上无语言错误，仅有个别小错。
第一段运用In other words来简单解释题干的那句话，然后开门见山地引出自身观点；第二段引用爱迪生的事例来支撑自己的观点，论据充分，逻辑清楚；第三段总结，强调hard work对于成功的重要性。
建议：爱迪生应该是Edison而不是Edision，第二段中Have Suffered from enormous fatigue, he never gave up.应该改成Having suffered from enormous fatigue, he never gave up.。如果是四级作文本篇作文完全可以得最高分，但是针对六级的水平，可以尝试丰富用词，运用较复杂的句式来提高整篇文章的水平。
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