大家好，这是沪江剑桥商务英语网针对沪江网友在BEC写作中所遇到的棘手问题而新设的一个作文辅导栏目。每期栏目我们都会邀请到BEC名师对沪江论坛BEC版块的网友作文进行评点，为各位同学在BEC的考试准备中助你一臂之力。

想让名师评点你的作文吗？请订阅BEC写作类节目：BEC作文辅导

本期BEC名师：昂立BEC项目部主任张梦琳老师，担纲商务英语听说、企业团训听说主讲,曾在知名企业担纲首席口译。从事听说教学十年之久，最乐意与同学分享职场经历，她的教学理念是：Enjoy learning English in the rest of your life!

本期作文题目：

Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.

老师提示：

我们需要确定，如果我是公司职员，我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息？是不是要知道：
1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始；
2.吸烟区划定在什么地方？

网友作文一：

TO: All Employees
FROM: CEO, Willan Smith
SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY
For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company's new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area's going to be restricted before Next MONDAY[2], anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.[3]
Plz target the smoking and non-smoking area and stick to the company's new policy.[4]
Thx.
_________________________________________

[1]去掉，抬头已经写过给所有的员工，所以直接从正文开始就行了，费这个事干什么？
[2]时间不确切，最好是 from next Monday. Before 这个期限是什么时候？如果不能给出确切信息，就不要说，还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.
[3]你经常在洗手间吸烟吗？或者你们公司有这样的同事？把这句话去掉。
[4]添加：to ensure that it is fair to all of you.

网友作文二：

To: All staff
From: Hope0068
Everybody know that smoking is dangerous for your health. And the The studies didn't just point to the ill effects of smoking on those who smoke--non-smokers, too. [1] Notice is hereby given that the smoking area is located in the special corner[2] of the first floor of this building. This come into force on[3] September 15th.
Thanks.

_________________________________________

[1]Memo 的主要作用就是提醒同事们注意事项，这和吸烟有多有害不相干，去掉。改为：to assure working environment
[2]一般的公司都应该给个room
[3]from