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You'll need, at minimum: pancake makeup, a hair tie, a bottle of nail polish, and various props (preferably food items). You'll also need a highly developed sense of humor and/or gnawing loneliness and/or a finely honed appreciation of the absurd.
你至少需要准备一下工具：化妆粉饼、蝴蝶结、一瓶指甲油、一堆小道具（最好是食物一类的）。你还需要浓厚的幽默感和（或）饱尝单身之苦的心和（或）对荒谬事情的高度欣赏与热爱。

Got all that? Great. Then follow these easy steps. And you, too, will be on your way to Instagrammed bliss.
这些都准备好了吗？很好，按照下面的简单步骤，你也能在网上发出一系列令人激动的图片。

makeup

1. Apply makeup to the hand-skin. Preferably of a different color than your natural skin. Preferably onto your dominant hand.
先在手上做文章，最好把你的惯用手化妆成和自然肤色不同的颜色。

nails

2. Paint the fingernails of the dominant hand. Preferably pink. Allow to dry, approximately 15 minutes. Add a decorative hair tie to the wrist of the made-up, nail-painted hand.
在惯用手上涂指甲油。大概15分钟后就全干了。这时再向化过妆、涂过指甲油的手上加点蝴蝶结配饰。

3. Go to a coffee shop, a park, or another other place you might frequent with an actual girlfriend. If necessary, simply simulate that spot.
去商店、公园或其它能经常遇到真正女朋友的地方。如果有必要的话，就自己设置一个那样的景点。

4. Use your dominant hand to mimic the gestures an actual girlfriend might make while seated across from you: squeezing your cheeks, feeding you treats, lovingly wiping errant condiments from your lips.
想象真正的女朋友坐在对面时会做哪些手势，再用惯用手模仿：捏脸蛋、喂吃的、温柔地吧你嘴角边的调料擦掉。

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5. Use your other hand to snap a selfie of the dominant hand doing its stuff. Adjust angles and camera depths as necessary.
在惯用手正忙活的时候，用另一只手设置定时拍摄拍照。必要的时候调整角度和景深。

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6. Filter the resulting images through one of Instagram's blurrier filters.
用图片处理软件将照片模糊化处理。

7. Post the filtered images to Instagram.
把照片发到网上。

8. Revel.
狂欢开始啦！