We've all had to start conversations that we dreaded having – everything from asking for a raise to asking for a divorce to asking for help with the laundry. These strategies help the conversation go more smoothly -- at least, that's the hope.
每个人都曾不得不进行另自己惧怕的谈话——如：要求加薪、提出离婚、请求帮助洗衣。下面的方法帮你让谈话更顺利，至少希望如此。

1. Don't stall. Let's say you need to call an acquaintance whom you haven't seen in a few years to ask for a favor. Don't chat and chat, then casually mention the favor at the end. You're not going to fool him about why you called. It's better to say something like, "It's so great to talk to you. I really want to catch up and hear everything that's been going on for the last few years, but first, I have to tell you the reason I called." Otherwise, the person on the other end tends to feel wary and distracted.
1.不要拖延。比如：你要打电话给一位认识的人，两人有些年没有见面了，你要让他帮忙。不要聊个没完，到结束时才突然提出请帮忙的事。对于你打电话的原因，人家心知肚明。最好这样说：“和你聊天真不错。我很想聊聊最近几年的情况，听听发生的每件事，但首先我要告诉你我打电话的理由。” 否则容易让对方警惕和分心。

2. Don't start off angry. If you have to make some sort of charge, of dishonesty or bad service or a screw-up, work yourself into a mild state of mind. Anger inspires anger; accusations inspire defensiveness. Explain the situation in a straightforward way. Joke around. Show that you're a reasonable person.
2.不要怒气冲冲地开始谈话。如果你要对欺骗、差的服务或一次办砸的事做出控诉，那么先让自己情绪缓和。愤怒会激发愤怒；指责会激发抵抗。直接了当地说明情况。开开玩笑。展现出自己是一个讲道理的人。

3. This is obvious, but pick your moment. The Big Girl chooses to pester me with her pleas to get her ear pierced just before school, just before bed, or when I'm rifling in the refrigerator with a wolfish look. She couldn't pick worse times. Look for a moment of calm, lack of interruption, and physical comfort. Also, if the conversation will be particularly painful to the other person, choose circumstances that are the most comfortable for him or her, not for you. Sometimes, when you're dreading saying something, you just want to blurt it out and get it over with -- but by waiting, you might get a better result. (See #8 on this, too.)
3.即使是容易被理解的事情，要说也得选择时机。可我的大女儿总选择在上学前一刻、睡前或我正当带着豺狼般贪婪的面目洗劫冰箱时来纠缠我，恳求我允许她穿耳洞。她选择的时机简直是糟糕透顶。要找一个没有干扰、身体舒适、平静的时刻。而且，如果对话让另一方感到痛苦，那么选择对他/她而言（不是对你而言）最为舒适的环境。有时候，当你害怕说某件事，你只希望脱口而出，然后了事——可是等一会再说，你也许会获得更好的结果（参考第八点）。

4. Think about why the subject is difficult for you. Do you hate to talk about money? Do you shrink from doing anything that smacks of self-promotion? Do you dislike confrontation? Are you afraid of someone? Are you concerned about damaging a relationship? One of the most helpful of my Twelve Commandments is "Identify the problem." If you examine why you're dreading a particular conversation, you might be able to tackle it in a different way, or re-frame the issue in a way that's less upsetting.
4.想一想为什么这话题难以启齿。你讨厌谈论钱吗？带有自荐意味的事情会让你退缩吗？你不喜欢交涉？你害怕某人？你担心破坏一段关系？在我“十二戒律” 中最有帮助的一条是“辨认问题”。如果你弄清楚为何害怕某种对话，你也许能采取另一种方式来应对，或者可以用一个不愉快度较低的方式重构问题。

5. Are you certain you need to discuss the difficult subject, at all? Often, you do. Sometimes, you don't. Will it really serve a purpose to have the conversation?
5.你确信自己有必要去讨论这一困难话题吗？经常是的。但有时候却不是。就算进行了这个对话，你真能达到目的吗？

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