How to Discuss Sex With Your Child

如何与你的孩子讨论性问题

Sharing important information about sex with your child is much easier than you think, and it's imperative to give them a sense of confidence, trust, and safety.

与你的孩子分享有关性问题的重要信息比你所认为的要容易得多，而且很有必要给他们一种自信感，信任感和安全感。

Steps

  1. Talk about sex more than once. It's best if kids hear small doses about sex over and over. Having one "sex talk" might be a convenient way for a parent to "get it over with" but it conveys that there is something embarrassing about sex, and doesn't provide for openings in communication later.
  2. Tell your child about the names of their sexual body parts, saying "That's your penis" or "That part is your vulva." (Avoid using nicknames like "Peepee" or even "privates" as they convey that the real name is "embarrassing" or "naughty".) Start as early as when they are tots. This is when they're learning about all parts of their body. Talk to them when they are showing interest in their own body, or playing with showing those things to you. It's totally normal.
  3. At around age ten is the first stage of sexual awareness for children. They notice that it feels good to touch themselves. This is an important stage for later sexual health and identity. Never shame your child for their natural tendencies, as this is a natural part of healthy sexual development. If your child starts discussing other people's sexual body parts (or lack thereof) feel free to correct them gently.
  4. Talk to your elementary child about crushes. Listen for when they talk about kids hugging or kissing on the playground, and when you hear it, take the opportunity to find out if there's anyone they like? Have they ever kissed anyone?
  5. Listen to your middle schooler. Are they interested in boys or girls? Are some of their friends "going out with someone?" Ask where they go and what they do. It's really important for your kids to know that you'll listen without freaking out. You may have opinions about what's happening, but it's most important to hear what your child has to say. Ask them if they have any questions about boys or girls. Tell them about the mechanics of sexual intercourse. (Most of them have already heard this information from their friends who have older siblings, but it's important that they know you're willing to talk about it so they can come to you with questions later.)
  6. Broaden your discussions as the child gets older. By high school, talk to your child about sexual feelings and thoughts. Sexual feelings are normal and are felt often and sometimes really strongly. Let your child know that they can enjoy their sexual feelings without acting on them. Ask them when they think a person would be ready to have sex. What are their parameters? Then share with them some of the thoughts you have now, and the feelings you remember having in high school.

步骤：

  1. 与孩子谈论性问题的次数要超过一次。如果孩子一再地听到少量关于性问题，那是件好事。给孩子一次“谈论性问题”的机会对于家长来说可能是方便的，比起给予更多，但是要表达关于性的某些东西是令人尴尬的，并且在日后的交流中不能太过开放。

  2. 告诉你的孩子关于他们有性繁殖的身体部分的名称，比如说“那是阴茎”或者“那部分是你的阴户。”（避免使用诨名，像“尿”或者甚至是“阴部”因为他们在表达那些器官的真正名称会感到“尴尬”或“猥亵。”）当他们是小孩的时候尽量早点开始教他们。这就是当他们学习他们身体所有部分名称的时候。当他们在对他们自己的身体表示有兴趣的时候，或者他们在玩能代表那些东西，并指示给你看的时候告诉他们。这是完全正常的。

  3. 在十岁左右，对孩子讲性意识是最佳的年龄段。他们会发现在这时接触性问题对他们自己是有好处的。对于日后性健康和性意识来说，这是一个重要的阶段。永远不要使你的孩子对于他们自然的倾向感到羞耻，因为这对于性健康发展的一个自然阶段。如果你的孩子开始讨论其他人的性繁殖部分（或缺乏关于那的知识），他们会感到很随意并温和地纠正。

  4. 告诉你上小学的孩子关于迷恋的含义。听一听当他们谈论关于小孩拥抱或是在操场上接吻，当你听到这个时，花点时间来找出是否真的有像他们所说那种小孩？是否他们曾经真的接吻过？

  5. 听听你上中学的孩子的想法。他们是否对男孩或女孩赶兴趣？他们的一些朋友是不是“和某个人一起出去？”问一下他们去哪儿了，去干什么了。这对你的孩子真的非常重要，让他知道你愿意听而且并不厌烦。对于发生了什么，你应该有自己的观点，但是最重要的是聆听你孩子要说的内容。还要问他们对于男孩或女孩他们是否有任何的问题。告诉他们关于性交流的技巧。（他们中的大多数人已经从他们的朋友就是比他们的兄弟姐妹那里听说过这种信息，但是让他们知道你愿意跟他们谈论这个问题是很重要的，所以日后他们会来和你谈论这些问题。

  6. 当你的孩子长大些了，可以扩大讨论的内容。在高中时期，和你的孩子谈论一些关于性冲动和想法的事。有性冲动是正常的，并且经常会有这种感觉，有时候真的很强烈。让你的孩子知道他们可以有性冲动，但是不要付诸行动就行。问他们，他们认为什么时候一个人会有性冲动。他们的特征是什么？然后，和他们分享一下你对于性的想法，并且你记得你在高中时有性冲动的感觉。

Tips

  • Keep the dialog about sex going all throughout childhood. Listen for your children to talk about it casually, and see this as an opening for you to engage in conversation.
  • Keep your conversations age appropriate. If your five year old asks how babies are made, tell only what they will understand, but DO answer the question.
  • Healthy sexual energy flowing throughout one's body opens up creativity, vitality, and physical health. It doesn't mean that your child is going to have sex. Share with them the difference.
  • Different parents will have different approaches, so make sure that your child takes away with them respect that they can teach their own children.
  • Let your child know that no one else should ever touch them without their permission. Empower your child early to say no to some things, for example, hugging relatives, so that they become practiced in establishing healthy boundaries.

    • 告戒

    · 贯穿整个童年与孩子保持关于性的谈话。若无其事地听你的孩子谈论性的问题，并把这个问题看作是一个开放性的话题来进行谈话。

    ·     保持你的谈话在一个适当的阶段。如果你五岁的孩子问你孩子是怎样产生的，仅仅告诉他们能理解的东西，但是一定要回答他们这个问题。

    · 健康的性能量源自于某人身体开放的创造力，生命力和生理健康。这并不是意味着你的孩子将会有性冲动。和他们说明这两者间的不同。

    · 不同的家长会有不同的方式，因此确保你的孩子不要失去他们教育他们自己的孩子的那份重视。

    · 让你的孩子知道没有人会在没有他们允许的情况下接近他们。准许你的孩子对某些东西早点说不，例如，与亲戚相互拥抱，以至于他们实行建立健康界限。

    Warnings

  • If your child shares about inappropriate sexual contact, it's imperative to listen to their experience without freaking out to the point that they shut down. Listening is your most important tool. Don't prod; carefully listen to what they say. It is important that you take action based on their complaints, as failing to do so will devastate the child's trust and respect in you.
  • If your child comes to you, they trust you. Listen to them and don't pass immediate judgement.

    • 警告

    · 如果你的孩子与你说关于不正当的性接触，你有必要听他们的经历而不是很反常地说出你的观点，让他们闭嘴。倾听是你最重要的方法。不要刺激他们；仔细地听他们所说的内容。对你来说在他们抱怨的基础之上采取行动是很重要的，因为没能那样做会有损孩子对你的信任和尊重。

    如果你的孩子来找你，他们是信任你的。你要听他们说，不要马上说出你的判断。